# Chapter 14
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"okay.
Kate, take a look at that unrealistic appearance.
"I have to be back soon."
Nezar reached out and patted his head, then stood up with a groan.
But his head didn't seem to come down from the ceiling even after he straightened his knees.
The sound of dry swallowing was heard several times.
"Nezar."
"why?"
He, who normally made eye contact when his name was called, now seemed to be deep in thought and stared vacantly somewhere in space.
At that moment, a strong feeling of anxiety enveloped my mind.
"You've been unwell for some time.
"Is something wrong?"
Nezar turned his shoulders sharply and, after a brief pause, stroked my head again.
He still wasn't smiling.
"no way.
Now let's go in.
"I'll take you to your room."
liar.
They still think of me as an eight-year-old.
"...
...you're fine.
"Lady Charon is waiting in the office."
Even though I refused, he held my hand and walked to the office.
There was no conversation between us as we walked.
Nezar was quiet and I couldn't open my mouth to keep an eye on him.
And bad feelings always come true.
After that day, Nezar was not seen for more than ten days.
***
The sound of the wheels stopped.
The first thing I noticed about the change was my sense of touch.
Pan Shion slowly raised her eyelids, realizing that the world had become silent and the sound was shaking regularly.
Outside the dark glass window, where only the moonlight fell, the sound of insects chirping echoed.
He looked ahead to catch his breath and his mind and finally walked out of the carriage door, which was wide open.
Returning to Entera Castle after half a day, there were many signs of popularity.
Pan Shion opened all his senses and took in everything, including the eyes of the employees leaning next to him, the temperature of their breathing, and the steps they took back.
Everything that made up Entera was as always.
At least it seemed that way to Pansion.
"Shall we run a bath?"
"no.
Put Geheren on hold.
"I'm going to Charon's room."
The attendant bowed deeply and stepped back.
Pan Shion walked up the stairs, slowly dragging Tai who was struggling to breathe.
Late at night, everything in the mansion was silent except for the flickering lights.
Unlike normal, he walked to the left corner and approached the servant who was waiting for him.
A boy who looked like he had just turned fifteen was looking at the innermost door, leaving it open.
The room given to Charon.
The bright light of the full yellow moon falls like a waterfall across the wide balcony.
After completely loosening his tie, Pan Shion leaned against the doorframe and enjoyed the peaceful scenery.
The room was not large, but it was lined with very old furniture, as if we had gone back more than 20 years.
They were not well-preserved structures and still retain the charm of antiquity and time.
It was simply old furniture.
"Who decided on this room?"
"This is Mrs.
Mallen."
"Did your mother say something?"
"You have already delegated all matters relating to the young lady to Madame Mallen."
“Exclusive maid?”
"Cecili Anolta, a 22-year-old woman who was hired three years ago on the recommendation of Ms.
I turned around.
Then there was the sound of the door closing, and Pan Shion walked in the moonlight that fell on the carpet and turned the corner on the other side.
In front of his door, a gray-haired old man stood with a straight posture.
It was Geheren, the general butler of Castle Enterera.
Pan Shion gave the old man a slight glance and entered the room.
Geheren walked in behind him and turned on the bedroom light.
The heat inside the room, cooled by the embers, slowly subsided.
"What about Marlen?"
Geheren, standing in front of the closed door, responded immediately.
“There are two domestic workers retiring this week, so we are looking for people to fill the vacancies.”
"and?"
This time there was no immediate response.
The old man, who blinked his eyes with an expression of incomprehensibility, spoke in a slightly harsher tone than before.
"To be honest, I don't think there will be any difference from what you expect."
Pan Shion threw the tie he was holding onto the chair.
For some reason, he closed his mouth and unbuttoned his shirt cuffs without reacting to Geheren's words.
Originally, all this work was supposed to be done by servants, but after Turner Entera left the castle, Pansion was careful not to allow anyone to touch his body.
It was as if everyone in the castle was his enemy.
In a room filled only with the sound of breathing, the only things that moved were his long fingers and the buttons on his shirt shaking.
"It was Master Turner's order."
Only then did Pansion's eyes turn to Geheren for a moment.
The eyes were devoid of any emotion and only reflected a flickering light.
"Why didn't you report this to me?"
"That was also Master Turner's order."
"You are getting very drunk on this matter now."
Pan Shion got up, approached the display and took red wine from the top shelf.
The black wine shining in the light looked like a large wave.
"Our lovely brother left the mansion in a mess.
Isn't that true, Geheren?"
Geheren did not respond.
All I could do was bow my head briefly to express my regret.
"Is your brother's condition improved?"
“From what the parliamentarian said, it’s less than half a year away.”
"half a year...
...
."
It was neither too much nor too little time for Pansion.
He gently shook the glass in his hand and then slowly swallowed his drink.
It didn't feel particularly satisfying.
Pan Shion's mouth opened again only after he put down the cup.
"Within a week, the War of the Northern Expedition will be declared by the imperial court.
"At best, the scheduled departure date will be at most two weeks later, and Prince Nezar and I's departure has already been decided."
Geheren sighed deeply in his heart.
The Northern Expedition is a massive undertaking that will take at least five years even if the full power of the empire is utilized.
In five years, the position of Entera's successor will already be empty.
"First, move Charon's room to mine.
"I can't keep pretending I didn't notice Marlen's smug behavior."
"Please consider leaving once again.
"If you go, there will be no successor to Entera's legacy."
"heir?
If Charon is the successor of Entera, is he not the successor?
Even if it lacks a little legitimacy when considering the customs of the eastern part of the empire...
...
.
"If you regret it, try to convince your mother as soon as possible."
The wine glass fell from Pansion's hand and fell into the trash can.
"Your death is coming soon.
And it's always too soon when you think it's too late.
"My respectable mother should have discovered her second son's trick sooner or later."
***
"Why bother doing that?"
For a moment, my thought stopped on an unexpected question.
I slowly rolled my eyes and looked into the office.
Is there anyone else here besides me and Rick?
But no matter how much we looked, it was just the two of us in a space full of the noise of turning pages.
I tapped the table with my nails and belatedly looked up.
"Are you just telling me?"
"So who else is here besides you?"
Ice cream.
The sound of tea being poured into the throat could be heard even by me, who was sitting in front of me.
Rick looked up, made eye contact with me, and lowered his head again.
A book as thick as the palm of his hand fell under his chin.
I felt dizzy looking at the letters written as hard as grains of sand.
"I don't know what you're talking about.
"Are you making fun of me because I'm reading a book right now?"
In the past, this is an item that would not be placed in the same space, much less noticed.
One of the most essential virtues for a lady is the acquisition of literature.
I read a long poem full of incomprehensible metaphors for 20 minutes.
Enjoying art was a very difficult and distant difficulty.
"It's no big deal anymore if you do something you haven't done before.
"I mean, is there any need to break off the engagement?"
I closed my mouth silently in response to the unexpected question.
Rick was the only person who knew I was trying to break off our engagement.
I calmly collected my mind and then responded.
"You probably know that Nezar and I may be brothers, but it would be difficult for us to become lovers."
"Say something that makes sense, Kate.
When are you going to stop chasing me saying you're going to kill me and now that it's hard to break up with me, I'm just going to pretend this never happened?
"There are degrees of being childish."
"I see you forgot something, but I'm a child."
To be exact, an adult likes a child.
I often feel that my past life is an illusion of a long dream.
In fact, I am an ordinary fifteen-year-old, both mentally and physically, and I have entered puberty purely due to the influence of long dreams.
It was a much more logical and credible assumption than the fact that the world we lived in had been turned upside down.
However, the reason I was sure that my past life was not a lie was because the memories of the past, which should have been as blurry as fog, remained so clear.
I don't deny the past I lived in for 17 years.
However, the memories of my past life had no right to control me now.
The character Katrina Ezelot was just a fifteen-year-old girl coming of age.
"To be honest, I didn't think Nezar would listen to my complaints.
The engagement vow.
Of course, I was stuck like a tick, but still...
...
."
It was fun.
Katrina Ezelot had a habit of acting like a child in front of Nezar, but it was me in my past life who really judged him.
Rick opened his mouth in a calm voice, unable to continue his words properly.
"Kate, it is thanks to Her Majesty that you are as stable as you are now.
"His Majesty must also think so."
"Are you asking me to return the favor by sacrificing myself?
"That's what's bothering Nezar."
My feelings for Nezar were deeper than familial love and more intense than heterosexual love, but they were not accompanied by sexual desire.
For example, I couldn't even imagine a photo of him and me kissing, and I didn't even want to imagine it.
Because it felt strange and foreign.
Hmm, maybe it's just because I'm still young.
"It's purely out of pity and a sense of duty that stops Nezar from dismissing me.
"It's like throwing the most expensive chocolate to a poor child."
If this feeling of sympathy and duty gradually fades and disappears over time...
...
.
I wouldn't be able to tolerate this void of stability.
That's why I had to backtrack even further.
Being stuck in a relationship called engagement will definitely cause great harm to both parties.
Even more so for the crown prince, Nezar, than for me, the count's youngest daughter.
Oh damn!
If I had stayed a stupid 15-year-old boy, I wouldn't have had to worry about this!
"This really seems like prejudice.
"How much do you know if you know His Majesty's inner thoughts?"
"What don't you know?
Imagine yourself in my shoes.
"Because there's something you can feel even if you can't see it."
Rick was now leaning back in his chair, with his arms crossed and looking at me.
It was a complex face that was difficult to express in simple sentences.
"Ever since you were little, you've had a lot of random thoughts.
It's not that it's bad.
"I just want to say that if there are too many paths, you might get lost."
I stretched my lips in dissatisfaction.
What Rick said wasn't particularly wrong.
"Don't you see it's already gone?
That's half your fault.
If you leave a child alone too long, he's sure to fall into a hundred strange ways.
"Just like me."
A black and white memory from my childhood, not long ago, slowly emerged from the bottom of my heart.
When I look back at my childhood, there were only moments of silence, no sound from beginning to end.
A wide meadow with horses running and me sitting on top of it.
At that time, I was always alone.
"So you're paying so much attention to me now?"
Rick's words made me laugh.
Although affectionate attention has always been good nourishment, it was inevitable that long-standing feelings of disappointment would suddenly arise.
"What's the use of all this?
"The past is gone."