Kaian held me tightly and kissed me urgently, as if he would steal my breath away.
I stopped resisting, no longer pushing him away. The man, who noticed this instantly, relaxed the strength that had been restraining me in his arms.
As I hung from his shoulders with both arms wrapped around him, Kaian lifted me up as if he'd been waiting for this.
"...I hate you."
"Mm."
Kaian answered dismissively, as if he'd barely heard my complaint, and lowered his head again.
The sunset bathed us in light as it filtered through the laundry hanging high above our heads. Even then, we stood still for a while, longing for each other.
"The weather is lovely today."
"I thought I'd have to do laundry tomorrow too. It dries so quickly—oh!"
"Oh my goodness!"
The castle maids who'd come to collect the dried things fled, trembling and giggling.
I froze. Heat slowly rose to my cheeks, then my entire face felt burning.
"I told you not to do this."
I blamed Kaian, pushed him away, and quickly ran back to the castle.
*...If only it weren't for the insomnia.*
It would be truly difficult having to see that man in the bedroom again tonight.
---
Kaian was having a day that couldn't have been better.
It was during these times that he realized why things went well outside when there was peace at home.
"Next time I go to the capital, I'll have to do something for Valquiterre."
It was entirely thanks to Valquiterre that he'd gotten Claudel as his wife. Kaian was so immersed in extreme happiness that he'd forgotten all about Valquiterre's actions that had bothered him during the royal event.
"She's so adorable I could die."
Even sitting in his office, all he could think about was Claudel.
In his opinion, love was a very noble emotion. Wasn't it the most profound emotion one human could have toward another?
Sometimes people were blinded by love and made wrong choices despite knowing better—and this was the most difficult concept for Kaian, who'd been raised from a young age to make only correct choices as Temnes' successor.
Sometimes people sacrificed their lives for those they loved—and since youth, Kaian had been taught as a Temnes that he must survive until the end, so it wasn't easy to sympathize with such sacrifice.
It was true that Kaian must protect and defend the territory and its people. But if a truly critical situation arose, the first person who should escape and survive was Kaian himself.
Rather than risking his life to protect something, he saved people's lives for Temnes' glory. Those who would die in his stead stood by Kaian's side.
As a result, Kaian—who'd been exceptionally good at learning even during his youth—had been particularly weak in poetry.
Even now when he thought about it, many of the poetic works that made him cringe were about love. Some compared loyalty to a lord or friendship to love. Most people considered it an extreme or impulsive, meaningless, and futile emotion that clashed with Kaian's values.
Nevertheless, the reason he thought love was precious was because it was an emotion Kaian himself had lacked.
The Duke of Temnes was always superior to others and looked up to by everyone. The Lord of Rowan was respected by all the people of the territory.
Of the noblemen who'd gone to war, seventy percent had died. Soldiers could be captured as prisoners or escape, but if captured, leaders were either executed or committed suicide.
These were men who'd gone to war on behalf of their families by the King's order. If he converted the price of their lives into money, how much would he have to pay to redeem them?
The greatest shame was being captured alive by the enemy. If money was exchanged for hostages, there was no way the family head—whose prestige had fallen—would be able to rule the territory and family even if he returned alive.
So if they survived and were captured by the enemy, they did whatever they could to kill themselves.
Under the barrage of enemy attacks, Kaian had survived to the end without being caught even once. Thus Kaian had glorified the name of Temnes as the undefeated general.
The poetry teacher who'd taught him when he was young had forced a smile on his embarrassed face and said, *"It seems God made a mistake while trying to create a perfect creature."*
On the other hand, Valquiterre—whom he'd sometimes taken classes with when visiting the estate—had received considerable praise.
One time, his poetry teacher had made a fuss as if deeply moved, and Kaian still remembered the poem Valquiterre had written.
*[Love: If you cannot have it, it's better to destroy it.]*
*Anyway, the earnestness of love expressed through irony—this isn't the writing skill of a ten-year-old child.*
Regardless, Kaian was deeply immersed in this feeling he was experiencing for the first time. He was proud of himself too.
He'd been born and raised as a human being, enjoyed all the glory achievable through his abilities, and felt proud that he'd even achieved being loved by someone special.
In the end, there was nothing beyond his reach.
"Claudel was different from the beginning."
Even though she was Vermont's daughter, he'd never thought her inconvenient. It was true his mind kept wandering and he worried constantly.
"It's harder than I thought. I thought I could bear it."
Claudel was indignant that he was doing nothing, but the reality was different. Kaian felt like he was going crazy because he liked Claudel.
He was sorry his words had hurt her, but he couldn't help it. It was difficult for him to be true to her as long as her life was connected to the Duke of Vermont.
There was a shortcut to ruining the reign of a country or territory, and one of them was falling in love with a woman. The Lord, wrapped around a woman's finger, had his eyes and ears darkened.
He'd order ridiculous investments and start doing stupid things as obvious as fire. But no matter how much people around him tried to stop him, he wouldn't listen—just doing what the woman who shared his bed whispered to him.
When dealing with other people, he might dismiss it as "What a pathetic person." But Kaian couldn't allow himself to become that kind of person.
It was obvious what the Duke of Vermont would do if he discovered that Kaian truly cared for Claudel. Demanding increased food shipments would be the least of it. He could try to reclaim the woman who would bear Temnes' heir.
One fortunate thing was that their marriage had been ordered by King Valquiterre, so neither party could divorce without the King's mediation.
If it weren't for the King's authority, he wouldn't have taken a woman from Vermont as his wife. It was fortunate this arrangement didn't separate him from her.
The Duke of Vermont would be troubled if Claudel, while pregnant, returned to her parents' home demanding a divorce. Kaian's sincerity would become his weakness.
In any case, the fact that Kaian had fallen in love with Claudel was so unexpected that no one should know.
"She seemed to have a deep friendship with her sister."
It was also surprising that Princess Irena and Claudel had such a good relationship. Irena had grown up as an only child—if she'd suddenly had a younger sibling, she might have resented that child.
Claudel must have suddenly become a member of someone else's family due to unfortunate circumstances when she was young.
Watching the Duchess of Vermont and Claudel talking at the ball, it hadn't seemed like the Duchess was disparaging Claudel.
"I thought the Duke of Vermont was the only problem."
It was his mistake resulting from lack of information. Even after reviewing intelligence from Castle Valmonde, there'd been no mention of Claudel before the marriage.
Depending on the direction of Princess Irena's marriage, Valmonde's power could influence the capital's politics, so she was mentioned occasionally.
Vermont's next successor was, in fact, Irena. Although born a woman, she'd grown up receiving the elaborate education typical of other families' heirs.
She'd been born as Vermont's eldest daughter, and if she had a husband to father the successor, Irena—who possessed discretion comparable to a family head—would raise that child and groom the next Vermont.
"Why does she get along so well with her older sister?"
He wondered if he'd be able to truly reveal his feelings to Claudel once the Duke of Vermont died. However, if she had a good relationship with the next Duke of Vermont, Irena—given the current Duke had commanded, *"If there is someone dear, you must be prepared to eliminate them"*—then Claudel would be unable to say anything to Irena even then.
*"I hate you."*
Claudel, who resented him, often showed raw emotions.
*"I hate you so much."*
Kaian didn't think it was normal for him to get excited by the woman's tone when she blamed him. Every time he saw her looking at him sadly through hurt eyes, he felt so devastated and yet so elated he thought he might die.
"Now that I think about it, I didn't get to see the bride properly on the wedding day."
When Kaian had made eye contact with Claudel through the white cloth fluttering in the back garden, he'd lost control.
He'd embraced her and kissed her, saying without thinking, *"I think I'm going crazy because of you too"*—but fortunately she couldn't hear it because his pronunciation had been muffled while kissing her.
*"On the wedding day, what were you wearing?"*
When she'd asked that in the carriage:
*"It felt plainer than what you wore today, right? I think you were wearing a fur-trimmed cape."*
*"That's right, Valmonde was definitely cold. Why are you suddenly asking that?"*
*"I don't really remember."*
In fact, his heart had sunk a little.
*"That must have been quite cold."*
*"Does this mean it's not cold now?"*
She might have spoken carelessly, but her memory had been quite accurate.
At that time, Kaian had been so angry he hadn't worn the wedding attire the groom was supposed to wear. As soon as he'd arrived at Castle Valmonde on horseback, the massive castle with its closed structure had aroused his displeasure.
Not only had he wanted to leave the castle without delay, he'd felt rebellion against Valquiterre. So he'd had no intention of dressing as a proper groom or entering the ceremony hall—he'd gotten married in the same clothes he'd been wearing.
Of course, since they belonged to the head of the Temnes family, the clothes he usually wore probably weren't shabby.
When he thought back, he'd never properly seen her—not on the day she'd arrived at Rowan Castle, soaked from the rain, nor when she'd worn a white veil.
How beautiful the white cloth must have looked fluttering in the wind over her red hair.
"Why did it have to rain that day?"
She must have been pretty enough to captivate his eyes. When the carriage had broken down in the heavy rain and she'd asked for help, he'd told her to make her own way back. But he'd long since forgotten his fault.
Kaian sat at his desk, lost in thought for a moment, then summoned his butler.
"You called for me, my Lord?"
"Think of a way to hold the wedding again."
---