That's not all Ilex learned about Tilia Ambrose.
For unknown reasons, whenever she felt restless or needed a change of pace, she would sit on the steps of the dorm and study, just as he had seen her do before. At such moments, she usually carried some sweet treat in her pocket.
Since it was late at night, her guard was down, allowing him to watch her more closely than usual. However, Ilex did not want to go out at night.
Every time he saw her fiddling with her notebook in her hands with a tired expression on her face, an unbearable pain would squeeze his chest, leaving him at a loss.
But that didn't mean he always saw Tilia with a tense or stern expression on her face.
As the semester came to an end and the grades were tallied, her small face softened slightly with satisfaction.
However, as soon as the holidays were officially announced, she immediately became sullen again - probably because she did not want to see her infamous family.
“I have the same thing. I hate my family too, that’s why I hate holidays.”
Creating a one-sided sense of camaraderie, Ilex watched her drive away in an old carriage, sending her on her way alone.
Throughout the semester, instead of poring over useless theoretical books, the man studied it. Information, far more valuable than knowledge, was steadily accumulating on the bookshelf of his mind.
Of all the things he learned about Tilia, the most important was her deep aversion to men.
Tilia Ambrose didn't like men.
This was different from the usual wariness that women show towards men, or the preference to avoid certain types of men. It didn't take long for Ilex to confirm this after watching her warily for a while.
Tilia Ambrose, simply put, despised the entire male race.
She was clearly unhappy when a man sat next to her during class. If a group of men were meeting and talking, she would try her best to take the longer route to avoid them.
She hated being talked to and even eye contact seemed to irritate her.
For her, most men were perceived as carriers of some kind of infectious disease. But among them there was one type whom she hated more than all the others.
Those who had feelings for her. Those who showed at least some interest in her.
It doesn't matter whether their actions were just flattery or truly sincere. Tilia found them all equally disgusting.
Even group project participants, whom she tolerated as long as they did their share of the work, received cold, contemptuous looks the moment they showed any sign of personal interest.
But one day Ilex naively suggested that perhaps she would react differently to sincere affection. This illusion was shattered by one event that completely changed his mind.
The man's name was Samuel Jennings.
He was the third son in the unremarkable family of a provincial count. He approached Tilia with a sincerity that even Ilex had to admit.
One autumn day, despite Tilia's repeated excuses, Samuel Jennings cautiously but sincerely confessed his feelings.
The place was an empty lecture hall corridor. He didn't have any loud, obnoxious friends hanging around behind him, and he didn't bring any tacky, boastful gifts.
In his hands he only had a letter and a bouquet of flowers - nothing else.
His hands were shaking with excitement, and even Ilex, watching him from a secluded corner, could clearly notice it.
After taking a few deep breaths, Samuel Jennings muttered something shyly, and then quickly turned away, as if running away.
Not having the courage to hear her answer, he disappeared. As soon as he left, Tilia, with an inscrutable face, opened the letter.
Hidden behind the nearest wall, Ilex watched her intently.
My heart was pounding in my chest, my palms were wet with sweat.
What if Tilia is touched by this? What if her heart falters? What if she actually accepts him...?
His throat was dry from anxious thoughts.
But in the end his fears turned out to be completely ridiculous.
Because the only expression that showed on Tilia's face after reading the letter, which smelled faintly of cologne, was contempt.
It was not even clear whether she had read the letter to the end.
Her gaze barely glanced at the last lines before she threw the letter and flowers into the trash without hesitation. Then, as if touching something dirty, she rubbed her fingers several times and turned away mercilessly.
Watching this, Ilex froze, unable to move, feeling that all his previous fears had become meaningless.
It was as if he himself were the owner of the letter and flowers that Tilia had thrown away.
Tilia was a very smart girl. There was no way she didn't notice those eyes, shining with pure affection that even he could see.
Believing that sincerity would make a difference was simply a stupid mistake.
Tilia despised men. Especially those who showed interest in her.
She didn't care whether this interest was motivated by lust or genuine feelings.
Tilia Ambrose regarded male affection as nothing more than an object of absolute contempt.
Based on this experience, Ilex made a decision.
Not right now, but if he ever starts to feel the same way as Samuel Jennings towards Tilia Ambrose, then...
Under no circumstances should he let Tilia find out about this.
He would have to hide it no matter what. He will have to hide it completely. To...
He wasn't thrown out like trash, as if love itself were dirt, like Samuel Jennings.
But this decision was meaningless. A plan that shouldn't even exist.
Because a long time ago, Ilex Davenport had already become to Tilia the same as Samuel Jennings - and maybe even worse.
***
It was an unusually successful first day of the semester.
He shared quite a few lectures with Tilia. Of course, this was the result of constantly analyzing which courses she was interested in before enrolling, but still, if it weren't for heaven's destiny, there would be no way for so many classes to overlap.
That wasn't all. For the first time, Tilia was late. And not just any lecture - she was late for the one he was attending.
Did she oversleep? Or lost? Even after the lecture began, Tilia was nowhere to be seen until she suddenly ran into the classroom in a hurry.
Thanks to this, Ilex was able to see a new side of her up close.
However, if it ended there, he wouldn't even mention it. The greatest success was yet to come.
Bach. Hearing the sound of the chair moving next to him, Ilex's shoulders tensed noticeably.
Can't be. The sound inside his chest roared like a timpanist* beating the drum forcefully with his thick hands.
(*P.P. Timpani is a percussion musical instrument with a certain pitch.)
While the booming sounds of drums echoed inside him, he felt a light breeze ruffling his ear.
One, two, three. After counting to himself, Ilex slowly shifted his gaze. And here she is - Tilia, fanning her flushed face with notes, as if she was preparing for this moment.
A light breeze blew from her to him, like the fluttering of a butterfly's wings.
Along with it came the aroma. A scent so wonderful, as if spring itself had been compressed and then suddenly released, filled his lungs.
Throughout the lecture, Ilex did not hear the professor's voice.
Inside his chest, the orchestra, which had begun with the majestic strumming of the timpani, continued to play throughout the introductory part of the lecture.
The gentle melody of the flute, the deep resonance of the cello, the graceful harmony of the piano keys.
An orchestral piece, the title and performer of which were unknown, sounded sweetly in his wildly pounding heart.
Intoxicated by the aroma of spring and the music in his chest, Ilex for the first time in his life wished that this lecture would never end.
But whether it is joy or sadness, everything comes to an end.
Never before has the voice of a professor announcing the end of a lecture sounded so annoying.
While Ilex, worried and desperate to stay by her side, was looking for any excuse to stay with her a little longer, the sound of movement next to him told him that she was going to leave without hesitation.
He didn't want to let her go. A sense of urgency overwhelmed him in an instant.
A little more. At least for a moment - please, a little longer...
While Ilex was feverishly trying to find some reason to keep her here, what the professor said before the lecture flashed through his mind.
“Tomorrow is a test.”
This was the only part of the lecture that Ilex managed to hear before he became lost in thoughts about Tilia.
Grateful to remember at least that much, he tried his best to keep his voice smooth and casual as he spoke.
- Tomorrow we will start with a test on the first chapter of the introductory textbook.
At his words, Tilia, who had already risen from her seat, turned her head towards him.
The moment his eyes met hers - the eyes of the girl he had always glanced at only furtively - he felt his heart beat so hard that it seemed like it was about to break through his ribs.
What will she say? Will she ask if the test will be in short answer format? Or multiple choice? Maybe she'll ask if it's a weekly test?
It doesn't matter what she asks. The important thing was that she would talk to him.
- You...
His heart swelled with anticipation, completely focused on the red lips that slowly began to part.
- Do you... know me?
Like a crescent moon hanging in the middle of winter, the corners of Tilia's lips curled. When she answered, her voice was sharp with irritation.