The moment she saw her, a ridiculous heat rose to her face. Only then did she understand where she had dragged him.
She stood in the very place where her chest heaved, where she gasped for air. In the room where her nails had left long scratches on his back the first time she had felt such sensations.
Like a broken dam, memories of that bright white sunny day flooded into Tilia's mind.
The hot sensations, the dirty whispers and the dizzying, lewd smell - the vivid memories of her first experience made Tilia's face turn red.
Unconsciously, she hid her sweaty palms behind her back, furiously cursing herself for bringing him here.
I'm crazy. Even if I had trouble understanding how I could return here...
She decided to leave this awkward place as soon as possible and raised her head - only to meet his calm blue-gray eyes, looking straight at her.
Reclining on the bed, leaning on his elbows, he silently watched her all this time.
Unlike that blindingly bright day, the room was now lit only by the soft glow of the lamp. An amber light danced across his elegant face, casting shadows across the bed he seemed to command.
The sensuality of the moment nearly took her breath away. In his unmoving gaze, Tilia felt that he, too, was experiencing that chaotic day. And just as she could feel his thoughts, it seemed he could also sense her vivid memories of those lewd moments.
She knew she had to leave. But, like an insect caught in a web, she could not move. It seemed that liberation from his gaze would lead to her death. She couldn't take her eyes off him.
The hairs on the back of my neck seemed to stand on end. It felt like the arch of her foot was being licked by a wet tongue.
Her breathing became shallow and the tension in her chest seemed unbearable. At this moment...
Exhale.
Ilex exhaled sharply and suddenly stood up.
Tilia flinched in surprise, like a herbivore with an arrow stuck in its shoulder, and took a step back.
But his goal was not the door to the bathroom she stood next to.
He quickly crossed the room and unlocked the tightly closed window, throwing it open.
The cold night air rushed into the previously warm room. At the same time, her mind, drowned in desire, returned to its place.
Tilia's face turned even redder for completely different reasons as she stepped back. Her back hit the wall after taking too many steps, but instead she wanted to disappear through it.
I'm crazy. Completely insane.
The words she had muttered earlier came back to her mind, this time with a sharper self-reproach.
I need to leave. The disturbing thought that she might cross the line - not him, but she herself - made her turn away. And at this moment...
- Tilia.
From the window his voice, a little harsh, called her name.
Should she just leave without answering? She hesitated for a moment before answering in a slightly cold tone.
- What?
- When you get to Ontario... what's the first thing you want to do?
After a short pause, his question came out of nowhere. He made Tilia half turn towards him.
- What?
“You acted as if you would die if you didn’t get to the Foreign Affairs Consulate.” What made you so desperate?
Ilex remained standing by the window, against the blowing cold wind.
She studied his profile, trying to discern his thoughts, but all she could discern was that he was blushing slightly. She couldn't read anything else.
- Tell me. Why are you so determined to go to Ontario? Why do you want this consulate position so badly?
Taking a deep breath, he turned fully towards her. His gray-blue eyes became cold, like the wind that he blocked with his back.
Feeling that his gaze was destroying her defenses, Tilia hesitated.
Why did she want to go to Ontario? If asked, she had many reasons.
Because she wanted to leave the miserable Ambrose mansion. Because she wanted to escape from her father, who was only thinking about how to sell her.
Because she wanted to live a real life, not the disgusting lies she had endured for so long.
But none of these reasons could escape her lips.
These were too personal, too deeply buried secrets for Tilia Ambrose. It’s not at all the same thing as simply revealing your goal - the consulate of foreign affairs.
As she stood there, unable to respond, Ilex pressed her harder.
- Tell me. What do you want to do in Ontario?
She thought for a moment about staying silent and leaving, but she knew well. This persistent man will follow her to the end. Knowing his persistence, Tilia finally sighed softly and opened her mouth.
- It's just... well... I want to make money comfortably.
What she said wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete truth either.
- You know how it happens. The Ambrose family is poor, so we have to work to support ourselves. And finding work in Ontario, where there are fewer restrictions on the employment of noblewomen, is easier than in Acansis. In addition, work at the Consulate of Foreign Affairs is provided with housing...
- There are many jobs in Acansis that offer room and board for well-educated upper class women.
Ilex answered quickly, as if he had read her thoughts.
“There is no shortage of foreign affairs consulate-like positions here.” Highly paid positions as private tutors or teachers in private schools. And if you don't like teaching, you can join a public school administration. Are you saying that in this vast kingdom, a graduate with excellent grades from the Royal Academy has no place to work?
-...But here I wouldn’t be free.
- Why not? When it comes to citizenship issues, a lot has changed since Queen Fidelia ascended the throne. Even if things aren't perfect yet, over time Acansis will undoubtedly surpass Ontario in this regard...
- But my father and brother are here!
Tilia's voice became harsh, cutting him off mid-sentence. She could no longer contain her irritation.
- How can I live freely where Baron Ambrose and George Ambrose exist? What's the point of making money if they just take it all? No, they won't even let me work! To avoid these vultures who will sell me out at the first opportunity, I need to at least cross the border...!
Her words came out like an explosion, but she quickly closed her mouth.
She made a mistake. Pushed by his persistence, she revealed the truth that she wanted to hide.
These were things she didn't want to share, vulnerabilities she intended to hide forever.
Feeling humiliated, Tilia silently stared at the floor. The fact that her father abused her was the one rumor that Baron Ambrose desperately tried to suppress.
Growing up in a good home, educated in a decent family, Ilex Davenport probably could not even imagine this. That someone could be so desperate to escape her family that it became her lifelong dream.
The gap between their lives amazed her. He was the one who could glide gracefully through the river of life like a swan, while she had to flail hard to keep her nose above water.
Feeling the full weight of this huge inequality, she remembered why she used to hate Ilex Davenport so much.
Of course, Ilex could not understand the poverty and shame she had to endure.
Any moment she thought they were getting closer was an illusion. From the very beginning, they were as different as gourmet food and porridge that is spat out.
And as soon as she came to this bitter realization, the silence between them dragged on.
A suffocating feeling of humiliation fell on her like dirt falling on her head. Even though she knew she was burying herself, she couldn't stop mentally blaming him.
"…Enough."
Having barely escaped her deepening spiral of inferiority, Tilia suppressed her expression. Putting on her usual cold mask, she turned her back to him.
There was no need for goodbyes. Ilex Davenport wouldn't have wanted it anyway.
Gathering up the last of her pride, she took a step towards the exit. And then...
- So, if your father and brother left, you would stay?
A voice came from behind her, low and alarming.
Even though the question was asked late and strange, Tilia did not turn around.
She had already shown him too much hesitation. She didn't want to show her vulnerability anymore.
Step by step she walked towards the door, pretending that she had not heard him. But Ilex's muttering voice sounded clear in her ears, as if he were whispering directly to her.
- So this is all it takes for you to stay here...
The sudden sense of danger made her instinctively want to turn around, but she forced herself to hold her head high and opened the door.
The soft hinges opened and closed without a sound.
Before the icy winter wind could whip her face, she thought she heard faint laughter behind her. But Tilia did not look back.