Yasiris stared expressionlessly at the ceiling.
Neither the intricate patterns that pleased the eye nor the soft feel of the blanket wrapped around her body could calm the overwhelming feeling of despair.
In the end, she couldn't tell if this meant she could have the baby or if she shouldn't even entertain the idea.
She came back tormented and unsure.
When she left the Emperor's Palace, she felt as if the gazes following her, realizing her scattered state, were piercing her skin.
Particularly memorable was the look on Runelia's face when their paths crossed by chance.
She insulted Yasiris, calling her vulgar, but Yasiris, too exhausted to respond, simply ignored her and continued walking.
This made Ronelia follow her and tease her even more.
After much difficulty, Yasiris finally returned to her room, took a shower and lay down.
But her thoughts prevented her from sleeping.
Although she had longed to sleep for days to overcome her exhaustion, her tangled mind would not allow it.
“Ah…”
Yasiris sighed deeply and rubbed her face with her hands.
While she was thinking about taking the sleeping pills she was given, she heard a knock on the door.
“Your Majesty, Duke Kilodon of Beren Kingdom has requested an audience.”
“Tell him I'm sick and can't meet him.”
Without hesitation, Lessaris refused to visit Miquelon.
She was already overwhelmed with stress and had no energy left to deal with anyone else.
But Miquelon was persistent.
Despite being rejected several times due to her illness, he was able to secure a meeting with her early the next morning.
“What is so important that you had to meet me in person?”
“It's a pleasure to see you too, Your Majesty.
I'm glad to see you still looking healthy.”
She wanted to fire him.
From the first words of their conversation, Yasiris felt extremely conflicted.
Miquelon's sly greeting, pretending not to hear her question, was already giving her a headache.
“I told you clearly that I am sick.
Make yourself clear and leave immediately.”
“Oh, it seems that Duke Beren is no longer worthy of your attention?”
"duke!"
Yasiris immediately raised her voice, and Miquelon turned his head curiously.
She was not the type to easily show anger over such provocations, but today she was exceptionally irritable.
She's not really okay.
It's not just an excuse.
Miquelon glanced at Yasiris, who seemed to have already run out of patience, and shrugged.
He was busy with himself and couldn't bear to spend too much time bothering her.
“I have brought a gift from His Majesty.
There is also a letter attached, so you can read and handle it as you see fit.”
Yasiris looked at the bag Miquelon gave her without taking it.
She felt more doubt than joy at the gift from her older half-brother.
Serenus Cernian I, the first prince who ascended the throne of Berenus earlier this year.
It was one of the reasons why Yasiris allied with Barition.
“Surely, there's no reason for him to poison me now.”
“Nonsense!
His Majesty would never harm Her Majesty the Empress!”
He says it's because he tried to hurt Yasaris.
There was a moment when she almost died.
Ysaris stared at Miquelon with an expressionless expression.
His exaggerated denial, despite knowing the truth, seemed almost comical.
Yasiris fell into the common court intrigues because her influence had become too great.
While it pushed for policies that benefited the people, it received significant support, prompting the princes to find different ways to keep it under control.
Then, at least, I'll save your lifeThe most aggressive among them was Serenus.
She could never forget the voice of the middle-aged man who openly threatened her with a smiling face.
I buried these memories, considering them part of the past that was long gone.
"I guess there's no need for that now.
So, what's in there besides poison?"
“I haven't looked inside, so I can't say.
Please, Your Majesty, check for yourself.”
How could he confidently deny what was inside him when he didn't even know himself?
Yasiris was no longer surprised by Miquelon's impudence.
Endlessly exhausted, she accepted the bag rather than argue further.
Upon unwrapping the luxurious cloth, two bottles of different colored potions were revealed.
Folded several times next to them was a blue sheet of paper known for its magical properties – when immersed in water, it dissolves and disappears, and was often used for covert communications during covert missions.
“…And you’re saying this isn’t poison?”
“Well, hmm.
Certainly a suspicious combination.
It is possible that Her Majesty the Empress’s suspicion is correct.
Poison and its antidote, perhaps?”
Is he mocking the Empress?
Yasiris wanted to scream with all the tension that had built up.
All she wanted was to be left alone.
She wished she could take it back and throw it in the king's face.
Uncontrollable anger surged within her, and she almost opened her mouth to scream before biting down hard, holding back the sound.
Wait...wait, Yasiris.
I've put up with this so far.
This too shall pass, such trivial things.
She decided to bear it.
Yasiris closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Her hands trembled uncontrollably with the stormy emotions coursing through her.
She gripped them tightly, then released them, and picked up the paper.
Regular letters did not include normal compliments, but were frank and direct, and did not include any compliments at the beginning or end.
[I heard that there is no news yet about your dismissal.
It must be the army's fault, or maybe there's something wrong with your health.
I have purchased a good dose to prepare you for pregnancy.
It's blue.
And red is a medicine, so it is good for the emperor to use.
If you want, you can eat it directly.
You have no idea how much people will lament that the Emperor continues to act erratically because of you.
If you were married in a good place, you should have tried to satisfy your husband's whims, and if you cannot manage the matter properly, how can you cause harm to your country?
You are selfish.
Hurry and have a baby to help Beren.
Do not enjoy the wealth and honor of the empire alone]
Yasiris heard a sound like the sound of something breaking, but she could not distinguish whether it was the sound of rationality, sound reason, or her own breathing.
Every sentence was piercing her mind like needles.
She desperately wanted to tear the paper at that moment, but her hands lacked the strength.
She wanted to scream, but no sound came out when she opened her mouth.
What was she doing all this time...
Her chest constricted, her vision blurred, and then everything went black.
She couldn't breathe properly.
Unable to even stand, her body leaned forward.
I heard the sound of someone collapsing.
Before she even realized it was her voice, Yasaris fell unconscious.
"Is that all?
Really?"
“Yes, Your Majesty.
Excessive stress, lack of sleep, and physical exhaustion are the main reasons.
Engaging in relationships the day before multiply these factors simultaneously...”
“Understood.
You can leave now.”
“I will prepare the medicine for immediate consumption as soon as she wakes up.”
With a polite nod, Dr.
LaFaro withdrew.
Kazan dismissed the maids and looked down at Yasiris.
Her platinum blonde hair stuck to her face, strands sticking to her skin with sweat.
The high temperature made her breathing labored and difficult.
Although it was not significantly different from the way he had seen her yesterday while embracing her, his discomfort now was palpable and distressing.
“Empress”
Maybe it was because she didn't even look at him when he called her.
Yasiris' condition greatly spoiled his mood.
“Fuck”
Kazan covered his face with one hand.
News of Yasiris's collapse had just prompted him to order Duke Kilodyn, who was present at the scene, to be thrown into prison.
The reason was attributed to him.
He clenched his hand in frustration as he took a deep breath consciously.
This wasn't the first time he felt self-loathing, but extreme days like today were rare.
Kazan needed Yasaris.
He needed her to wake up immediately, call out to him, respond to him, and move as usual.
However, he was the one who prevented this.
“…the Empress”
Kazan stared at Yasiris for a moment, then extended his hand.
His touch removed the strands of hair stuck to her forehead.
From a distance that seemed almost touchable yet unattainable, Kazan watched Yasiris, and eventually heaved a breath and withdrew his hand.
A heavy emotion rushed in, confined to a single name.
“Yasaris...”
How should I deal with you?
I can't hate you or love you completely.
And yet, I continue to live limited by our past alone.
Kazan turned around with the face of a defeated man.
As he was about to walk out, seeming to piece together a name he could no longer call when she was awake, a faint voice pierced his ears.
“Don't... go...”
His heart beating violently, Kazan turned to Yasaris with widened eyes.
The dim wall seemed to writhe painfully towards him.
Without any time to act, a whispered plea came from Yasiris's lips, overcome by sleep and fever.
“Ken...”
There was sudden silence.
Kazan froze.
His mouth, which was slightly open in disbelief, did not utter a sound, as if his throat had constricted.
She spoke a name he would never have known.
Ken Guinot, long abandoned by Kazan Tinilath.
Because she doesn't love him anymore.
Because she was harboring another man in her heart.
Didn't she lose her memories as a price for breaking their covenant?
Don't worry.I made a promise to you.
I bet my memories on him
How beautiful her smile was as it sparkled in the moonlight.
Kazan can never forget that moment.
Even if after four years it becomes a broken piece of happiness.