The questions seemed to converge and hit me in the back of the head.
—I really thought you had died this time.
A voice of deep relief hugged me with a force that caused my body to crumble and I fell onto him with a dull thud. In an instant, severe pain hit my right arm, so intense that it wouldn't have been surprising if it fell off.
—Ugh.
I clung to my dizzy mind and examined my body. My torn uniform was soaked in dark, hardened blood. My right arm had been temporarily bandaged, wrapping it tightly with a piece of wood to support me. The thick bandages made it hard to see the shape of my arm. From what I remember, it was so shattered it seemed impossible to treat.
Ah, I see. "This is the battlefield."
And the allied forces had been crushed this morning against Mephisto. We had been pushed off the front and we scattered, fleeing for our lives. Shortly after I was lucky enough to run into the sword master's knights, who were on a secret mission of their own, and I was able to quickly heal my arm. After that, I walked for a whole week and reached the base located in the nearest city. Looking back, for me it was a perfect situation, being treated as a warrior.
—Y-you... that arm.
Raphael, who belatedly realized my poor condition, clenched his teeth.
—Take it easy, I'm not dead. It's just that my right arm has become as useless as a rag.
—That's horrible. What state is it in? Do we have to amputate it?
—Do you want to hear something even more horrible? I managed to find and collect the finger bones that were missing in that demon attack. If we have a military mage, maybe they can reattach them.
—...You're lucky. Additional forces are expected to arrive this afternoon. Is it by "charity" that your mind seems to be fine?
—Yes, so, if I exceed the recommended dose, the effects of the medicine will diminish and, the moment that happens, I'll lose my mind. So, hurry up with the mages.
Raphael, who just looked at my face in silence for a while, led me to the commanders' outpost.
—Another one!
—You bastard! You're alive!
The soldiers who recognized my face ran towards me. I felt a bit embarrassed, but I could bear it. Once inside the outpost, only after filling my stomach with the simple food prepared by Raphael did I start to relax. I felt like I had received greetings from people arriving at least ten times. However, I didn't see the face I expected to see.
—And what about Natasha?
—She cried herself to sleep.
—What? Natasha?
—A landslide occurred and 20 mages were buried alive. Natasha was almost swept away too, but she was lucky. Now she blames herself.
Natasha was strong. I always considered her mental strength to be even greater than mine. Seeing her so tired from crying, I could tell how painful this retreat must have been for them.
Shortly after, Desherro, Raphael's aide, entered. After welcoming my return, he whispered something to Raphael and then left the room. Raphael's expression darkened.
—Has the deployment of the reinforcement unit been delayed?
—...There were many casualties and wounded on the way, who they say were dragged here. I urged them to arrive soon.
—Stop it. Other people's lives are lives too. If I don't get treatment soon, I'll die, that's all. My destiny was to die in the war.
The real Andert also felt that way. It wasn't so bad for two brothers to share the same destiny. I stared blankly at my bandaged right arm, then noticed the eerie silence surrounding me and looked up. Raphael had reclined in his chair and was looking at me with cold eyes.
—It must be fun to talk like that, right?
—...Mmm. I'm sorry. I take back what I just said.
—You seem eager to die on the battlefield.
—That's not true. Who in the world would want to die on the battlefield?
—Or maybe you just want to get out of here and go far away.
Raphael, who was firmly holding on to his role as an authority figure, took a sip of his cold coffee. His icy gaze, fixed on my face, remained unchanged.
—That is also a skill. A talent. We have been together for eight years and yet, it seems that as soon as the war ends, you will disappear without any attachment left.
—I'm sorry.
—Sorry for what? Are you going somewhere far away?
—I regret it.
—Where are you going? To the desert regions of the western continent or the Northern Continental Union?
—Hey. When did I say I would disappear? Eh? Why do you think that? Do you want me to leave once and for all?
—Does that mean you're not going to leave?
I looked at Raphael bewildered. My partner was great, but sometimes he obsessed over strange things. Was what happened after the war really that important? I wasn't sure. Even if I managed to survive by pure luck, I couldn't stay his friend.
—Look, you can't say you're not going.
—How can I plan so far in advance? I don't know if we'll survive until tomorrow.
—You're the only one who says that. You're the only one who talks like that, Andert. Everyone hopes this war will end and dreams of a new peaceful life afterwards. Everyone except you. You act as if you're going to go somewhere and die with your head held high in the end...
—Okay, okay. I get it, I get it! You're talking about an uncle. When the war ends, I'll return to my hometown. It's obvious that my deceased family's graves are in ruins. Since I couldn't even erect proper tombstones, I'll have to start by remaking them.
I imagined Andert's grave, covered in withered weeds. Under the grave was not my younger brother's body, but his belongings. Because until my last day on Queen's Island, I hadn't been able to find my younger brother's body.
—Did you say you had a sister?
—Yes. If she lived, she would be your age. She was three years older than me.
—It's a pity. If she were alive, could she have had a war hero as a husband?
What the hell was he talking about? Had he gone crazy from lack of sleep?
—Are you half asleep? We were siblings. That's ridiculous.
Raphael pointed to himself with a shameless expression, without even blinking.
—I'm talking about me.
—You? You and my sister? Are you crazy? Why would my sister marry you?
In my mind, I imagined the wedding between my restored original body and Raphael. Wow. It was an impossible future that would never come, but still it sent a chill down my spine for no reason.
—So?
—Of course not! Why are you suddenly talking about marrying my sister?
—I thought it would be good for us to become brothers-in-law. Don't you see me as a suitable candidate?
Was this really a matter worth worrying and fretting over?
—Well, my sister... She might not see it that way.
—What? What doesn't fit me? My face? Or my status? Wealth?
It was a face that looked like it sincerely wanted an answer to satisfy its curiosity. I wondered if this was some kind of pride issue, but when I thought about Raphael's growing status day by day, it was an attitude that couldn't be dismissed simply as foolish.
Hey, if you return after winning the battle, you'll become fresh fish in the wedding market. Given Raphael's personality, the future was obvious. Instead of being manipulated by the central nobles and forcing him into a political marriage, he would most likely choose to align himself with reliable allies. This guy... didn't he trust me too much? I felt unnecessarily sorry.
—Andert! Where are you? God, where is he?
At that moment, a desperate cry was heard from outside. The tone was unfamiliar, but the voice was not.
Leaving the barracks we headed towards a noisy place where people were gathered. The owner of the cry, recognizing my face, staggered towards me and hugged me.
—Natasha.
—Andert, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Everything is ruined. Everything collapsed before my eyes! Everyone, even the young people who hadn't become adults yet, everyone! Hng... So you can't leave either, Andert.
They said she was tired from crying, but it looked more like she was drunk. Natasha, who seemed very unstable from being very drunk, seemed vulnerable. I gave her a gentle tap on the back with my hand, worried.
—Don't go. Don't go. Absolutely not. If you die, I'll die too. This time, I really thought you were dead. I knew you'd eventually leave me behind... but I didn't expect it to be so soon...
Seeing that Natasha and Raphael said the same thing, it seemed they were quite worried about not seeing me for a week. Natasha, who had been sobbing loudly, raised her tear-stained face and clung to me.
—Let's get married.
Here we go again.
—I don't want to.
—I'll be good to you... I'll take very, very good care of you. I'll be good enough that you won't want to leave.
—If you're looking for someone to take care of, you can marry Raphael. Looks like he's looking for a wife too.
—You're crazy... Uf, uwah...
—Do you hate it so much you want to vomit?