My exit had finally appeared, but something was wrong. Did she just speak? Furthermore, she even looked at me with a confident gaze while standing on her little legs. It was quite different from the exit I was used to. The other one simply followed me everywhere with a scared face. Also, she never opened her mouth. It was as if she were mute.
That meant… …ah, this is an illusion, not the exit? I couldn't believe I was hallucinating even when I recognized the trap. It was a truly unique and surprisingly interesting event.
My hallucinogenic opponent used to be Andert or the great mage Mephisto. Occasionally, a dead comrade. Why did it change to a younger version of me? Perhaps she had become frustrated by seeing me remain silent without doing anything, but the young girl tugged at my clothes with a weary expression.
—What are you staring at so foolishly? Let's get out of here.
—…All right.
Once you broke the illusion, you would find a new exit. I picked up my young self, who spoke here and there, and walked with her in my arms. The young me, who froze in surprise, at first looked at me with eyes that said: "Is she crazy? What's wrong with her?", but then she calmed down as we walked.
I think I used to be a quiet and still girl when I was smaller. Did I romanticize my memories? My young self, who relaxed her body against mine and hugged me, asked me: —What were you doing here?
It was strange to me that a younger version of me asked me a question. Still, I replied truthfully. —I was saving my friends.
—Friends? How can you save something that doesn't exist? Are you delirious?
I was in shock. The girl's mockery left me blank. No way. Is my hallucinatory opponent bullying me for not having friends? I felt uncomfortable. Even if it were a hallucination, wasn't it still the childhood version of me? I didn't want to bite the dust and admit anything in front of this abuser.
—You have a big misunderstanding. I'm not a pariah. I have many valuable friends around me now, and I had them even in the past. You and I are no longer alone.
The small me asked with a skeptical look. —Who are your friends? Tell me.
—The head maid, the assassin butler, the old potato seller…
Should I also include Yeager and Volkwin? But they were friends of Viscount Weatherwoods, not mine. Well, three were enough, so let's not rush. —Is that all? —Yes. More or less that amount. —That can't be. —Then? —What about the chef and the gardener?
I, young, who looked at me with disgusted eyes, raised a corner of her mouth and smiled. —Ah, right. Rue is not a friend, but the master who holds your dog leash to your collar so you don't get out of control. You're very good at grasping the situation. I congratulate you.
This was the second time I was absolutely bewildered. Who said he was my master? Who? No way.
—My master… is Rue? How disgusting! I didn't want them to think that about Rue! I squeezed my little self's cheeks and shouted. —Get a grip! Rue is not my master! He's more like a disheveled princess on a high horse!
The little me looked at me with incredulity, her face wrinkled in my arms.
—Princess? —Yes. —…Well, anyway, it seems you know you have to serve him anyway, hehe.
The cynical smile on her lips was familiar to me. She should look cute when she smiled, so why did I feel annoyed?
—I think that's enough word games. I want to ask you one thing. —Ask. —Why am I hallucinating you?
I closed my mouth and looked at my young self in silence. —What do you mean by hallucinations? Sometimes hallucinations weren't recognized as hallucinations? No, I had never heard of that.
—Because you're not my exit.
—Why am I not your exit?
—My exit used to look like me when I was a child, but that exit never spoke.
At that moment, the little me asked me something with a strange smile. —Do I look like your childhood?
I could feel the familiarity of those words. The reason was clear. Do I look like Yeager? Because that was exactly what I asked Volkwin.
For a moment, my legs stopped and became stiff. I left my little self on the floor and stepped away from her. The little me laughed when she saw me do that. —What are you doing? —Who are you?
—I think what you need is productive advice rather than the answer to that question. Are they exactly your hallucinations? If you already know, why do you leave them alone to rot instead of overcoming them?
Only then did I cast a glance around. The whole world was wrapped in darkness and I was alone in the middle of it.
—Die, other! —We don't need someone like you who couldn't save us! Die!
A world full of screams and curses. I knew it. All those voices were just illusions. Very old illusions, at that. The people I couldn't save. If you can't save me, die! Those people were my true opponents. Every time I fell into a trap, I could hear them, but that was it. I could escape the trap through the exit, even if I heard their voices. It was natural they called me a traitor.
Then the question arose. Why was my exit a younger version of me? Why was a weak and fragile girl my exit? It was because she was weak and couldn't save anyone. I couldn't save people because I was afraid. For the weakest and youngest version of me to be able to get out…
—Yes, it seems your brain is working now. That's right, Daisy. Your opponents weren't the people you couldn't save.
The younger me laughed with a charming voice. —Your desire was to save people. —My opponent was my desire to save people? —Why? Are you embarrassed?
I was in a trance. Why the scared girl was my exit; now I could understand. It was because she could escape. You can run away if you're a child. You can yield to fear and disappear far away.
—Oh, my God. At that moment, it seemed my face burned so much it could melt.
—What's embarrassing about it? Because you realized you were doing something heavy? Do you think it's ridiculous that you consider yourself a heroine when this was what you had unconsciously wanted all this time? Ups. Totally wrong, Miss Daisy.
I could hear her footsteps approaching. The girl's little shoes appeared before my eyes. —Don't be ashamed of yourself. Rather, feel sorry for letting yourself get overworked due to a mistaken sense of duty. Listen more to the inner scream you've ignored until now. Be hard on yourself only for the fact that you took your own sacrifices for granted.
If I wasn't imagining it, the girl's voice, as she spoke, seemed to grow heavier by the minute. —Ah, yes. I should ask you once more. The soft rhythm of her voice created a relaxing freshness. The charming aura that once surrounded her, full of beauty, had been transformed into a somber and melancholic one, like waves breaking against rocks, leaving behind a lingering echo. —Do I still look like your childhood?
The newly changed voice was very familiar to me. As usual, his long legs carried him surely until they stopped right in front of me. His imposing height cast a shadow over me while I was sitting on the floor and his waist rose before me. —What do you say? Lift your head.
But I couldn't bear to lift my head. —What?
The person was no longer the girl. It was the man who came to break my hallucination. The man wore his sleeves rolled up and the soft skin under the sleeves was dotted with several straight lines. Traces of oaths. Approximately ten of them. The person who had so many oaths engraved on the inside of his arms... there was only one I knew. The only one was Rue.
I wanted to die. I couldn't believe my exit looked like Rue. Didn't that mean I subconsciously relied on him? Ughh. It was definitely my childhood self at first, but why did it change to Rue afterward? Why? Why? Why? Why? Was I angry? Did my subconscious self want to die of shame? Was it because I discovered exactly what my problem was? Is that why I changed it to Rue? That was even worse. My weakness, which even I didn't know. The only person who brought it out and showed me that weakness was him?
—Good.
After a short moment of silence, Rue began to speak. —The first enlightenment for achieving perfect control of mind and body. It's good, but it's not enough to understand yourself from head to toe. Normally, people who engage in physical exercise tend to learn faster than those who do not. That's what I've observed, at least. Spending all day sitting at a desk reading books can be inefficient. It's also beneficial for preventing the loss of muscle mass.
Was he comforting me? Does he think I'm traumatized after realizing dark things about my subconscious? I was fine. I received more shock from the fact that my exit had manifested as him.
—I admit it. Today's events and work are one of the best blessings you'll receive in life. Accept the fact that you yourself are infinitely weak.
Who was weak? Me?
—Everything that is weak is inherently unstable, whether it's the potted plant you call "Rue" or yourself. For me, you're not very different.
In all the world, there had only existed one person who had called me weak. Only one person had dared to equate my strength with that of a simple seed that was sprouting. The one who penetrated me, showed me, and advised me about the internal weaknesses I couldn't detect by myself. Yes, the only person like that was Rue.
He's an idiot, but I can't deny it. Rue was my exit. He was the person who helped me overcome the problems... In other words, he is my... s-savior...
Ejem. Anyway, that was it. So it wasn't so strange that my exit looked like Rue's. Ah, admitting it makes me feel a bit calmer. I looked up feeling much lighter. Then I made a small bow. —Thanks for the lecture on life, Rue.
When I lifted my chin, Rue looked a bit disappointed. —It's not funny. I expected you to feel a bit more embarrassed —he said, lightly touching my forehead with the tip of his index finger —. Let's go back.
The low words became a spell and broke my illusions.