New meeting with the Count (4)
I bowed my head slightly in an attempt to hide my face. At that moment, I began to regret that I no longer had those bangs to help me. If I had known that everything would turn out this way, I would never have cut it off. It couldn't help but be disappointing. I moved forward, trying to hide my indignation.
As I approached Joely, she handed me a flower ornament and motioned for Alicia to step aside.
- Anne, hurry up. “We’re running out of time,” Joely urged.
- Yes, sure.
I glanced at Alicia standing behind me and began to work. I combed and styled the tangled golden strands, carefully twisting them. I used small bobby pins to secure the base of the hairstyle and finished it off with a floral embellishment.
Joely, admiring herself in the mirror, smiled with satisfaction.
“Ann is very talented,” she praised.
“Thank you,” I made a short bow and stepped aside.
Joely turned her head, looking at herself from all angles, and then turned to Vincent:
- How do you like it?
-...
- Come on, what do you say?
“Not bad,” Vincent still said distantly, but this time Joely smiled joyfully, returning to narcissism again. I didn’t take my eyes off the floor and prayed for all this to end as soon as possible. With these thoughts, I tilted my head to the side and Vincent’s and my eyes met again. I shuddered and quickly looked away, but it was too late.
“By the way, I completely forgot to introduce Anne,” Joely intervened. “She is Robert’s maid and nanny’s assistant.” Oh yes, she is my maid too. She and Alicia are sisters. But you can’t say that, right?
- Sisters? – a puzzled question was heard. I felt his gaze on me. Judging by the way my cheek itched, I don't need to turn around to tell that Alicia was now glaring at me.
It was pointless to ignore everyone's attention to me. I tensed up, turned my whole body and bowed in greeting. My head bowed as low as possible.
- Nice to meet you. “My name is Anne,” I said in a stammering voice. My barely parted lips trembled. I swallowed dryly, at the same time trying to calm my anxious heart. I tried to speak slowly and clearly to hide my nervousness. The humble greeting that everyone uses was just right.
Someone else's gaze burned through the top of my head. The silence dragged on. His cold attitude was alarming, but at the same time it was to be expected. My lips curved into a bitter smile as I calmly waited for his answer.
– Have we already met? – a sudden question made my heart turn over. Confusion clouded my mind. I hesitantly raised my slightly drooping eyelids to meet his emerald eyes, piercing right through me.
My mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. I wanted to ask what he meant by these words, but it was beyond my strength.
Do you understand everything?
Did you recognize me?
The once cloudy eyes were now clear. Emerald eyes drove me into a corner. I lowered my face, but the lack of thick bangs left my ugly face exposed. Realizing this, I had an unbearable desire to run away.
But I don't want to keep avoiding it.
If you really recognize me...
- Ugly.
-...Ugly?
“I think Robert called you that,” he said thoughtfully.
-...?
I only became more confused by his words. Then it dawned on me. The mixed feelings that overwhelmed me quickly faded away.
– We already met when you and Robert came out of the forest. Maybe.
- From the forest? – the nanny’s piercing gaze immediately darted towards me. This time my heart skipped a beat again, but somehow differently. Nanny, I admit my guilt.
The usually imperturbable nanny instantly flared up with displeasure. I looked at the nanny, then at Vincent. All this time my head was raised, my face was in plain sight, so there was no point in hiding it.
His eyes widened as he looked at my face. Then he looked at Alicia and back at me.
By the way he looked back and forth and the distortion of his face, it became clear to me what he was thinking about.
“They're not very similar,” Vincent concluded, then turned his head and looked at Joely. - Get ready quickly. I'll wait outside.
“Okay,” Joely replied.
Vincent glanced at the still sleeping Robert, gently stroked his golden hair and stood up. Slow steps headed towards the exit. Without looking back, he disappeared through the door.
Even after he left, I couldn’t take my eyes off the door. Vincent's words kept running through my head. I was overcome by all sorts of thoughts.
"They're not very similar."
“Sisters are so different.”
"You're so ugly."
Various words that I had heard in the past appeared in my mind.
My face turned red with shame.
***
“You’re lucky to be born with such a face,” a woman once said to me as I was carrying a basket of washed clothes. There was only one river in the village, so women always gathered here to do laundry, not missing the opportunity to gossip about this and that. Because of this, keeping your family affairs secret from strangers was something impossible.
But this sudden statement made me dizzy. I looked at this woman, not understanding what kind of nonsense she was talking about. The woman crossed her arms over her chest and clicked her tongue with some regret.
“If it weren’t for that face, you wouldn’t be breathing.” You would have been sold or beaten to death, just like your sisters. You're lucky to be born with such a face.
-...
“It's a blessing, in a way.”
Hearing this, I rolled my eyes. I thought about what this woman thought my “blessing” was. But no matter how much I thought, I couldn’t find an answer, but more and more questions arose.
- Why?
- What?
– Why is this a “blessing”? Why should I consider myself lucky to be born this way? Is it a blessing that I live instead of my sisters?
It was pure curiosity. I don't understand what is the luck of my deformity? Is surviving under the yoke of the devil's spawn a blessing? Why? I really don't understand. Does she really think so?
The woman retreated, and those who were behind her and watching what was happening turned away, avoiding my gaze. I paid attention first to them, and then to that woman.
This is not a blessing, it's a curse.
“My life is a complete nightmare,” I smiled from one corner of my mouth. The tangled bangs covering my eyes were one of the results of the tragedy that had unfolded.
There was no luck in this, much less a blessing. But I didn't give up. I tried pointlessly, but couldn’t change anything, no matter how much effort I tried. This is what my life was like. I couldn't change because I couldn't influence anything. Sometimes the thought came to me that death was more merciful than such a life.
I asked Vincent to be brave, but I was never like that myself. I didn't have the courage.
Therefore, when I met a man with wealth and a title who was sitting on his bed, trembling with fear, I felt sincere pity and sadness. He was even more pathetic than me. He acted as if I was the only person in his world. He needed me, and I think I was proud of that.
Vincent was like a child. Not because he has a pretty face and childish behavior, but because you wanted to protect him and be close to him, and he, in turn, demanded to always put him above all else.
I was glad to serve and help him. When I ran away, leaving him alone, and said that I wished him to live a happy life, it was sincere.
But I was not someone special to him, and he did not need my care. He may have lost his sight, but he was still an aristocrat. My existence in his life was meaningless from the very beginning. Perhaps he didn't need my help at all. I realized this only now.
I was too wrapped up in myself.
Splashes of water covered my entire face and quickly flowed down. Muddy drops fell and fell. At the same time, I began to reek of a sour stench.
- Oh, sorry! – the maid rushed to me, awkwardly apologizing for not noticing my approach. She was pouring out the water, and I jumped out as if out of nowhere. Я заверила ее, что все в порядке, потерла слезящиеся глаза тыльной стороной ладони и поспешила опустить голову из-за взъерошенной челки.
-Are you okay?
- Yes, okay.
I ran away, leaving the stunned maid behind. The smelly water wasn't the only thing that made me feel dirty. The sour smell of the slop was similar to my own. Water flowed down my body, leaving a wet trail behind me. The maid cleaning the hallway frowned. I lowered my head and sped up.
The emotions that arose after meeting Vincent did not leave me and intensified with every second.
He was surprised when he could see me, and although he tried to hide his reaction, the expression was familiar to me. Confusion. Everyone who ever looked at me had the same face. The reunion, accompanied by painful anticipation, never took place, and joy was replaced by confusion.
"I want to hide."
What will happen if he finds out that I am that same maid? Will he be angry, happy or disappointed? No, most likely, he will not even believe that the impudent and shameless maid from his memories turned out to be such an ugly girl.
If this happened, Vincent would be ashamed of me.
I returned to my room and cleaned myself up. Even after thorough washing, the stench did not disappear. I could still smell that stench on my body. It seems that no matter how much I wash, I can’t wash the dirt off of myself. I rubbed and rubbed until the skin began to peel and ache. I ran my hand over the back of my head and found blood.
“I wish I was a lizard.”
Then I could shed my hair and become beautiful. I would shed my current skin and be able to proudly stand before him in a new form.
But I'm only human. I can't shed my skin, and even if I die, I can't change myself.
“Don't do this. Don’t fill your head with empty thoughts.”
It's easy to shed tears and wallow in sadness. But accepting reality and moving on is difficult. Sadness does not come in an instant - it creeps up slowly, sticks a knife deep into the heart and drags you into the abyss of despair. If you let it overwhelm you, then everything comes to an end.
I took a breath and splashed cold water on myself. It took a little more time and my mind seemed to calm down.