The maid was left alone (6)
The crew was shaking throughout the journey. The mountain road we were driving along was riddled with potholes. The women sitting with me swayed, as did I, trying to maintain their balance.
All those present had one thing in common: beautiful faces. Long hair fell in waves over their chests, each of them was slender and curvy. Among them one could find girls with ordinary appearance, but even so, none was as ugly as me.
I embarrassedly straightened my bangs and looked back at Alicia sitting next to me. At first she looked at the carriage with some excitement, then she began to look dissatisfied, and now she closed her eyes and dozed off. I could only admire her courage to fall asleep at such a moment. Has she really come to terms with the fact that she might die? I wish I could ask now, but I decided to put the question off because the answer would probably be unpleasant.
"Give me time to think about it."
In the end, I was unable to break Alicia's stubbornness that day. She stood her ground, and our conversation at that time only reminded me of all the hardships that I had to go through.
The fact that I took this adventure did not at all mean that I agreed with Alicia’s opinion. Yes, my life was miserable and unhappy, but I did not try to escape from it. This may have been my goal at one time in the past, but now I was content with what I had.
At the same time, I realized the need for change.
Five years have passed since then. Not such a short period of time. At least this is enough time to forget about the runaway maid or think that she is already dead.
While I lived in the slums, I did not notice that they were looking for me or following me. Maybe this is just self-hypnosis, but over time I became convinced that I was no longer in danger. If this is the case, then do I have any other reasons to live like this?
The choice was simple, and perhaps even predetermined from the very beginning. We need to let Alicia go and everyone go their own way. Our relationship is so complex and confusing that if we continue to be together, the future will remain just as hopeless. All we do is fight and hurt each other and it will never end. It seems like it would be better for both of us to live apart.
But...
These thoughts haunted me.
At night I couldn't sleep. Because I thought about starting over and becoming a servant of the count, I mentally returned to the past, and it all weighed heavily on me. My heart was pounding furiously, and my head was ready to split from the anxiety overwhelming it. It was an internal struggle, during which my decision changed dozens of times per day.
One day I had a nightmare. My younger sisters visited me. They pressed themselves against me, grabbing my hands. Their bodies seemed unnaturally fragile, and their touch was imperceptible. No warmth, no smell, no feeling - nothing.
My second sister quietly whispered in my ear, “Sister, you can’t run away alone.”
At that moment I woke up, bursting out screaming. I gasped for air and jumped out of bed. It was too unbearable. My heart was filled with such an unimaginable weight that I doubted my ability to bear it.
I climbed out of bed, leaning my arm against the wall, and felt the cold on my fingertips. I turned around and met the gaze of the woman in the reflection of the mirror.
This was the only mirror that was saved due to Alicia's persistence. The woman's face in the mirror was hidden behind thick bangs, her slightly parted lips trembling.
I tried to force a smile, and the corners of the woman’s lips in the reflection also turned up slightly. It was a pitiful smile, unfamiliar to me, as if the person had never sincerely smiled before. Strained breathing came out of the rough lips. The smile disappeared as quickly as it appeared, giving way to despondency.
With trembling hands, I pushed my bangs back. Even in me this face evoked only disgust. I survived thanks to my ugliness, but it was because of it that I was subjected to constant ridicule and criticism. I didn’t choose which way to be born, but I had to put up with such injustice. I hate my appearance and don't even want to see myself.
I remembered a newspaper article I came across recently. His life got better. Everyone began to live well. Shouldn't I also live in a new way?
The devil spawn that had pinned me down and threatened me was dead. The third child of the family was going to leave me. I got the opportunity to live my own way. No, this right has always been with me. But I always clung to the past.
(Editor's note: The devil's spawn is the father; the third child is Alicia. Paula does not miss the opportunity to call them something.)
I was still in this hellish trap.
I didn’t even notice how streams of tears flowed from my eyes. Covering my face with my hands, I suppressed the sob that escaped. I can't afford to let my screams out.
"My unfortunate sisters..."
I quietly whispered these words, holding my very tiny sister in my arms, whose neck was curled at an unnatural angle. I repeated these words when I stroked the tear-stained face of my second sister, and when I held my fourth child in my arms, who died of hunger all alone.
That was all.
All I could do.
Now the third of the sisters must leave me. However, I couldn’t even turn away from her so easily. She was the only one I had left.
“I’ll go with you,” I said.
- Is it true? – Alicia asked in disbelief.
I nodded decisively.
“But if there is danger, run away immediately.”
- Okay, okay. I promise.
– If something seems strange to me, I will immediately run away. I don't want to die.
– I understood everything.
After a few more lectures for Alicia, I agreed to go with her. To my relief, we were not going to the same estate where I had worked before.
- Count Stella?
I had never heard of this family before. What kind of graph is this? However, the fact that I knew nothing about him only saved me from unnecessary problems.
We quickly got ready for the trip. There were no difficulties in this, because there was nothing special to take. Each of us had only one bag. Alicia carefully stored all her clothes, so her bag was almost completely full, and mine was almost empty.
On the day of departure, I stood in front of the mirror for the last time. I resolutely grabbed the scissors in my hands and brought them to my hair. Each click of the closing scissors made an eerie sound.
When I came out, Alicia was rubbing her sleepy eyes, but when she saw me, she fell into a stupor and now stood with her eyes wide open. The reaction was expected, but I was still embarrassed. I walked forward, urging her on. Alicia grabbed my hand.
“Y-you, are you seriously going to walk around like that?” – she stammered.
- Yes. I'm going to walk like this.
-Are you crazy?! – Alicia shouted.
I smiled awkwardly. Is it really that bad? I fiddled with my already empty face. The bangs that I had pulled with my fingertips now barely reached my eyebrows.
I cut off my long bangs, which I had been saving for a long time to hide my face.
- I already cut my hair. “I can’t regrow them in an instant,” I said.
“Aren’t you ashamed at all?”
- I'll try to pretend not.
- What a shame!
Alicia exclaimed this more than once, but I was already full of determination. The fact that I might be embarrassed should not lead me astray from my chosen path.
Although I decided to work on the estate of the new count, this did not mean that I could be calm. What if someone recognizes me in a new place? Maybe I'm just too focused on this, but work often revolves in circles and you never know who you'll meet there, right? In addition, the law of meanness could work.
When I worked at the Bellunita estate, I covered my face with my bangs. This is not to say that it was completely hidden behind the hair, but this way it was difficult to see me. My new appearance, at least, did not reveal me as a fugitive servant. I stood out even with my new hairstyle, but now this small change in appearance made a big difference.
In short, it was a precautionary measure in case of unforeseen circumstances.
“Don’t you dare call me sister in front of strangers,” Alicia demanded.
- Fine. And don't call me by my real name.
- What? What's wrong with your name?
- It’s just necessary.
This was also just in case.
After escaping from the mansion, I came up with a new name for myself. If someone tried to find me, my real name could give me away to my pursuers. Fortunately, no one was interested in the name of such a worthless person as me. Employers were only interested in the good results of my work, and not my personality. But circumstances could change at any moment, so I took care of this in advance.
- Just call me something else. Agreed?
- Why should I do it your way?
- Because I like my new name.
– Did you eat something wrong?
Alicia looked at me strangely. In her eyes I looked like a crazy fool, but I didn’t care. I made sure that she understood everything, after which we headed to the meeting place.
About fifteen people came to the meeting. Among them were both men and women. Most of them were distinguished by their attractive appearance, but there were also those who did not particularly stand out. They said that you could bring a friend with you, but I also heard that only nice people are selected, but apparently this was not such an important condition.
However, there was no need to let your guard down.
People huddled in groups of two, chatting lazily about something, or stood and simply looked around. As soon as we joined the waiting crowd, two carriages arrived.
The two black-clad men we had seen earlier came out and greeted the crowd. They scanned the crowd and separated the men and women into different carriages.
There were no windows inside, so, unable to see the road, many whiled away the time by dozing off or reading books.
The boredom lasted for an incredibly long time. It felt like the sun was already setting, but the cart never stopped.
In such shaking, my heart was overcome by more and more doubts. It's like I chose the wrong path.
Where the fuck are we going?
Is it possible to take this calmly?
What if they sell us into slavery?
I looked at the faces of everyone who was with me to find someone who thought similarly, but there was no one who was worried about the current situation.
With every new bump on our way, my anxiety only intensified. Should he open the door and run away? My heart was beating wildly, and the desire to do this was already turning into a decisive plan.
At the moment of my intense thoughts about escape, the carriage stopped.
Apparently we have arrived at our destination.
People gradually began to awaken from sleep. I shook Alicia’s shoulder so that she would finally come to her senses.
At that same moment, the door opened and a male voice asked everyone to leave. Alicia stretched and walked out a little staggeringly behind the others, and I followed her.
The first thing I noticed were the trees widely spread around us. It really took us a long time to get here, but did we really go that deep into the forest? I couldn’t even imagine that someone’s mansion would be in such a place.
In the middle of the forest there was a huge colorful building. His greatness immediately attracted everyone's attention.
“Wow, it’s so gorgeous,” Alicia muttered in admiration, throwing her head back. Everyone around was shocked by the greatness that appeared before their eyes.
“Women gather on our right, men on our left.”
The two accompanying people waved their hands in different directions. Following the order, the crowd divided into two groups. An elderly woman stood near some, and a man was waiting near others. In my experience, these people were probably managing the male and female staff separately.
Alicia and I sat at the very end of the women's group. My heart was beating relentlessly, my palms, with which I held the bag, were wet. Swallowing several times, I tried to calm down, but it seemed impossible. I was overcome with excitement and anxiety. I couldn’t come to my senses and was looking forward to starting a new life.
I'm glad it was already dark around. Otherwise, Alicia might have noticed that I was too excited, which means I might regret tagging along after my sister.