Circumstances of graph (9)
– I heard a strange noise at night.
- Is it true? I didn't hear anything.
I spoke casually, clearing my hoarse throat. It was not in the best condition after the heart-rending screams at night. Vincent heard me secretly swallowing saliva, fighting the tickle, and looked around. I pretended not to notice anything, poured water into a cup and put it in his hand.
Lucas suddenly held out his empty cup. He didn't want to eat alone, so he joined us.
- Paula, I want it too.
-...
I poured water without even looking at Lucas' face. He said “thank you,” but I pretended not to hear him. Lucas laughed sheepishly.
After this there was a heavy silence. An uncomfortable atmosphere hung in the room, filled only by the clinking of cutlery. Vincent, sensing something was wrong, squinted.
- Did something happen?
- What? What are you talking about?
“You two are acting strange.”
- We? Nothing happened to us.
“Nothing, absolutely nothing,” I repeated, emphasizing each word. Vincent fell silent. Lucas drank his water in silence. I removed the empty dishes with a bang.
When I left the room, Lucas followed me. But I didn't even look at him.
-You look very angry.
-...
- Sorry I locked the door. I was a little scared after what I did.
-...
– Paula.
-...
When I didn't respond to his attempts to talk to me, he stopped pursuing me. My steps echoed in the corridor. I stared straight ahead and quickened my pace, furious as ever.
Bastard. What an asshole! How could he say such a thing, even as a joke? I was so shocked that I lost my breath and my head went blank.
At that moment he seemed to be serious. And it scared me. I didn't think someone's sincerity could be so scary, so when he said he was joking, my mind felt empty. To be honest, I felt relieved. He was just joking. But in addition to being relieved, I was also angry.
After that, Lucas followed me, begging me to forgive him. I ignored him, knowing he was trying to make amends, but I'd rather not talk to him. Ignoring is the best way out. Otherwise, I would have lost my temper and yelled at him, and then slapped him in the face. Yes, I really wanted to scream, “Bastard!” and grab his hair.
So I'm glad I held back.
But if you think about it.
- This is unfair.
I angrily crumpled the paper I was holding in my hands and clenched my fists.
- No, there must be a limit to how much you can look down on people! What? Joke? Do you think this is funny?
I spat out a string of curse words before I came to my senses. I took a breath and read the text in front of me. This was a dialogue between the main character and his friend:
“Don't do this. I cannot accept your sacrifice."
"I'm ready to do anything for you."
- Who are you to sacrifice yourself!
"You think you're so great, right?" My anger flared again. I gritted my teeth, shouting out what he thought he was. The paper crumpled and the writing became illegible.
“You also think so, sir, that this is too much?”
– I don’t understand what you’re talking about.
Vincent, who, as always, had been listening to my reading, made a grimace. I wasn't going to stop. I slammed the table and criticized the smugness of the protagonist's friend. He doesn't think about those around him. Vincent, who was listening to me, looked at me as if I were crazy.
So this is a joke, Lucas? Okay, joke, let's see how far you can go, motherfucker! You said you were Ethan's little brother? Now that I think about it, you guys are actually alike in some ways. The ability to piss people off!
I slammed the table again. I felt pain in my arm, but the anger did not subside.
– Stop it.
He grabbed my fist, stopping me. I inhaled sharply. Slowly I began to come to my senses. Confusion overwhelmed my gradually clearing head. I tried to pull my hand away, but Vincent grabbed it tightly.
– Did something happen to Lucas?
- No.
I answered firmly, but he already suspected something. His piercing gaze was directed straight at me. I averted my eyes to the side, avoiding him.
“He told me something that upset me a little.”
- What?
- Nothing special.
- Tell me.
Vincent sighed as I stubbornly kept my mouth shut. I don't want to repeat this. These were words that were even difficult to pronounce. I don't think he'll be pleased to hear that.
“I'll give it to my brother. My world."
How could he say that, even as a joke?
“I don’t know what’s going on, but just forget about it.”
- As you order...
“I'm saying this because I'm worried.”
He loosened his grip on my hand and rubbed it lightly. I focused on his touch and felt that my skin hurt a little in one place. His fingers continued to probe his hand.
- You will have a bruise.
- It's not scary.
“You can get angry and hit others, but don’t hurt yourself.”
– Can I really hit someone?
- Yes, hit me. I give you permission.
It was a tempting offer.
- Seriously?
- Yes. You can consider this my order.
“In that case, lend me a cane.”
- Cane?
- Cane.
My gaze settled on his cane, the same one he had once swung at Ethan. The window was broken, but she remained unharmed except for a few scratches.
I've been dreaming about this for a long time. I looked at the cane and Vincent laughed. He seemed to understand why I asked her.
- Certainly.
So I borrowed his cane. I wore it on my belt. Whenever I felt angry, I would secretly take it out and wave it. I liked the sound with which she cut through the air.
Not bad, right?
I went into a larger room and waved it. Oh, I really liked it, and I repeated this action. Now I understand why Vincent used it. She was just great. I imagined the faces of the people who usually gave me trouble and swung my hand as if to strike them. I see my opponent cry out in pain. Of course, it was just my imagination, but it was still nice.
I circled the room, lunging, until I swung to the side, and noticed that the cane almost touched the person who had suddenly appeared. I gasped in surprise and took a step back. My opponent froze, raising both hands. Something between us fell to the floor with a rustle.
- Please don't kill me.
- Oh no. Sorry.
I panicked and quickly lowered the cane. Lucas took a hesitant step back. He then clutched his chest and sighed in relief. His gaze quickly moved to the object in my hand.
-What are you doing here? What's in your hands?
- Nothing special.
“Are you going to hit me with it?”
-...
When I fell silent, Lucas tensed. He looked serious and spoke calmly.
- Forgive me, really. Just please don't hurt me.
“If you knew I would be angry, why did you tell me that?”
-...
– I hate such lies.
Forgotten for a moment, anger overwhelmed me. I was more angry that he flippantly said he was going to die than that he was joking.
It was a world that some people couldn't live in even if they wanted to. At least that was life around me. I saw a lot of death and I didn't want to look down on it. It was too much to take it as just a play on words. You need to have a good reason for saying this.
Of course, I hoped it was just a joke, but it sounded serious.
- You're right, I have no excuses. I must have gone crazy for a moment. I caused Vincent a lot of pain and I regret it so much that I can't... I thought about how to help him and that's all I could think of. I didn’t want to tell you this, but the words just rolled off my tongue. Then I panicked and started talking even more nonsense. I'm so sorry, it was a mistake and I apologize from the bottom of my heart.
- …
- I'm sorry.
He extended his hand. I wondered if he wanted to shake it as an apology, but he looked so embarrassed. Lucas took a quick look around and leaned over. A bouquet lay at his feet. It must have been the flowers that rustled from his hands earlier.
- Sorry.
He bowed low, holding out a white bouquet. These were flowers from the clearing where we walked last time. I then told him that I really liked them. His clothes were covered in petals, as if he had just picked them.
I stared at his head, bowed to the floor, and began to knead the cane in my hand. Maybe hit him? For a moment I almost considered hitting him, but I stopped. I already knew that he was sincerely apologizing to me.
– Don’t treat death as a joke. Never.
“Okay,” he answered quickly.
“And don’t ever say that again.”
- Thank you for forgiving me.
– I haven’t forgiven you yet.
We'll see, maybe later.
I placed the cane on the floor next to his hand. He looked up. I twitched the corners of my mouth and added that I had permission from my master. I didn’t specify what exactly, but Lucas nodded meaningfully, as if he sensed danger.
It seemed that he was not going to straighten up until I took the bouquet. If I left him like that, he would fall to his knees. I didn't mind, but seeing this, other people might start bad rumors.
When I finally took the bouquet, he thanked me and straightened up. I shrugged.
“I was worried about what would have happened if you hadn’t forgiven me.”
– Were you going to continue asking for forgiveness?
- Yes. I thought about continuing to follow you around and beg for your forgiveness.
It's a little scary. If I had continued to ignore him, perhaps he would have woken me up someday, shaking me by the shoulders and begging me to forgive him.
“I’m glad I was able to achieve forgiveness.” I want to look good in your eyes.
- In my eyes? For what?
- Because I like you.
His words stunned me for a second, but I quickly regained my composure. I don't trust him anymore. I laughed, but he continued talking.
– I really like you.
- I know.
- I'm serious.
– This is a great honor for me.
I replied dispassionately and turned away to look at the bouquet. Suddenly they grabbed me by the shoulder, pulled me back, and something touched my cheek. Something warm and soft.
- Ahh!
I jumped aside in fear and turned around, rubbing my cheek. Lucas smirked at me. He looked so innocent.
“I told you I’m serious.”
He was a man around whom you should never let your guard down.