"Crazy Master" (11)
"It can't be undone or changed no matter how hard you try, so how do you overcome it? How am I supposed to live in a hell like this?"
The figure that had been curled up behind the sudden gnashing of teeth stood up. The sheet he was wrapped in fell away, revealing his face. Paula's eyes widened in surprise. His forehead was red.
“Your forehead...”
Stumbling, he grabbed her hand and then her face, staring at her in surprise. Her long bangs were combed up.
She instinctively pushed him away.
[Don't be like that! Don't do this]!
“- Let go...!”
“Look at me!”
He tried to grab her wrists and face, but she turned away from him. The struggle continued until her body collapsed on the bed. He hurriedly climbed on top of her and tried to hold her, as if he was full of determination.
Her bangs were disheveled, revealing her face over and over again. The girl pushed him in the face, slapped him on the shoulder and tried to push him away, but to no avail. He grabbed her face as she crawled away to run.
Her dry fingers grabbed his hair as if they wanted to tear it out. - he exclaimed, bringing her face closer to him, groaning in pain.
“Look at me!”
Then she opened his eyes and their gazes met.
They exchanged ragged breaths. His hazy emerald eyes reminded her that he was blind.
[Yes, this person doesn't see me.]
He can't see her. It was a relief.
" - How am I supposed to live like this? What do you believe in? Does that mean you know my heart, what I feel? The fear of not seeing anything, you know that? How do you know the unpleasant feeling when you don't know if another person is doing me a favor or has murderous intentions, whether they are trying to hurt me or protect me?"
The dark eyes were full of poison. The hand holding her face was shaking.
It wasn't scary.
It was unpleasant.
"-My life is ruined. Now there is no light in front of me."
He was destroying his fortune.
“ - If you try...”
Vincent snorted.
Is that all she wanted to say?
His eyes were full of disappointment.
" - Don't be discouraged. You can do this. You can overcome this if you try. I don't want to hear it anymore. In the end, these are all just words. It's easy to say these words because you're not blind like me, it's easy. Don't say that. Because my eyes will never see again."
His anger was felt in the voice in which he spoke, word by word. His fear lingered in his hasty breathing.
"But what do you want me to try? What can a blind fool do?.."
His face, which gradually became distorted, looked sad.
Like a child left alone in a place where there was no one.
What's so sad about having so much wealth, honor and rights?
Paula could only appreciate his sadness, but she could not understand him.
He was right.
After all, she was a stranger.
"So you want to die? Like this, alone, getting away with it."
"Is it impossible? You can choose death, between life and death."
“That's true.”
“-...”
She reached out and grabbed the back of his hand, which was holding her face.
Cold hands.
“You can choose.”
She could only utter superficial words. The reason she didn't was because his pain was deep. So she quit, and it was presumptuous of her to console him.
" - Reality is not a fairy tale. God says that He gives everyone enough trials to endure, but I don't believe in that. Is it difficult? It's up to me to decide whether to keep going or not. Since you have this freedom, you can't do anything about it."
“-...”
"Just tell me in advance before you decide to die. I don't want to clean up the corpse out of the blue and make a huge mess."
[Because I also need time to prepare my heart....]
She removed his hand from her face and pushed his chest away. This time he was easily thrown back. She stood up.
The moonlight outside the window was still bright. She just wanted to show him. But if she had opened that curtain, that light would never have reached Vincent.
“Until then, I will always be by your side.”
She turned around and saw Vincent with a blank expression on his face.
" - I'm not afraid. You can kill me whenever you want. Like I said, even if I die, no one will come to mourn or take my body. You don't need to worry."
“-...”
"And yet, the master was wrong. Sometimes the world that you can see is even more terrible."
Like a mother who ran away and abandoned the children she gave birth to. Like her younger brothers and sisters who were beaten to death by their father. They were starved and sold to a brothel by their biological father.
She likes her life.
"You have a lot of things. You have tomorrow. So, now that you can breathe, how about you make an effort? To make life even more enjoyable."
“...All this is useless.”
"I'm not asking you to do anything right now. I'm just telling you to treat it like it's the last time. Whatever it is. Eat on time, wash in warm water, put on new clothes, leave your room and go for a walk."
“-...”
"If you get scared, you can run away again. There is also enough space to hide. You can hide here and come back when you calm down. What's so scary about this big mansion with money, power and servants who are worried about their master?"
"It's all... scary. Money, power, interest, this mansion."
“Better than nothing.”
[At least you can run away.]
“My master must be mistaken. Life without this is much worse.”
She often saw blind people like him. A child born blind and abandoned by his parents, an elderly man who fell ill and had to have his eyes picked out, and a young father who had to support his family despite losing his sight in an accident. Like Vincent, they too must live in darkness forever. But they can't curl up in such a comfortable room.
To live, they had to work. For them, hunger was more frightening than the fear of being blind. They had to endure negligence, criticism and ridicule just to be able to breathe another day.
Everyone lives in hell.
Some people are poor, some meet the wrong parents, some meet with an accident, and some face tomorrow in a life where the future is blind.
“If you build up one by one, change will come. Whatever it is. Just like the light shining in this dark room.”
“-...”
“Did you know that the moon in the sky is so beautiful?”
[So many things I want to show you.]
[If yes, could you please stop thinking about death?]
Even at her words, Vincent did not raise his head. He wrapped the sheet tightly around his body again. She reached out and lifted his face. A single ray of light penetrated the clouded, emerald-colored eyes.
Beautiful.
His eyes sparkled in the moonlight.
This was the first time she had been so close, next to someone. Everyone looked at her face as if it was terrible, so she always lowered her head to avoid people's gazes.
Alicia often looked at her with embarrassment. Her father also looked at her face and bit his tongue. Paula was afraid to meet their gaze. So she didn't cut my bangs. Long hair will cover her ugly face a little.
But now.
“Don’t bow your head.”
Her heart began to beat wildly. Wouldn't that be better? He can't even see her anyway. She can be honest. This was the first time she met someone close, face to face.
As much as his feelings can reach her, so can her feelings reach him.
“This is the real thing.”
She stroked his red-spotted forehead. The skin was torn and bruised. Maybe he hit his forehead against the wall because he was so scared of the nightmare? So as not to fall asleep again. Maybe he wanted to know it was real.
“Be brave.”
[You may not like it, but I'm trying.]
After all, there was no way back from where she would be sold for gold coins.
Live or die here.
Next to this blind master.
Secretly.
The emerald eyes fluttered in confusion. Then, slowly, his trembling fingers cupped her face. The displaced gaze slowly shifted and focused on her.
Their eyes met.
“You...”
And at that moment her face was turned to the side.
Uhhh?
In an instant, his vision changed. Soon after this, the girl's body fell backwards.
Thud!
Along with the sound, a piercing, familiar pain pierced the back of her head.
...What is this?
She lay down on the floor and her eyes widened.
She had experienced this before.
“I felt it since last time, but you say too many useless words.”
A calm voice rang out. She then cleared her dazed mind and sat up. He was lying on the bed, covered with sheets, before she realized it. The image of him, trembling because he had a nightmare, was nowhere to be seen.
“Did you hear me say to be careful with your words?”
And even a calm warning.
She wondered for a moment what this situation was.
“Be careful next time.”
“...I'll be careful.”
So, the hot-tempered gentleman has returned.
She rubbed the back of her head, which had hit the floor, and looked at his calm face. He frowned slightly.
“Stop it, otherwise I will rip your eyeballs out.”
In any case, he always felt good about such things.
She lowered her eyes when he warned her.
The girl lost all desire, she lowered her shoulders and wiped her face dry.
Paula stood up from her seat, looking at him with his face buried in the pillow. She was just one step from the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, I’m going back to my room.”
" - Why?"
" - What?"
“You said you would stay until I calmed down.”
“I think you are calm enough.”
" - Not at all. Who will always be by my side? My heart still trembles because I am afraid."
“-...”
‘No, I just said something nice!’
The girl began to cry, but remembering who the man in front of her was, she bit her lip.
“Stay here until I fall asleep.”
“Yes, yes.”
When she answered insincerely, he immediately frowned. She didn't care, she sat back down on the floor and stared at the moon through the curtains.
Imagining in my head how she beats him.
Breathing was heard behind her.
The sound of calm breathing continued for so long.
(Information from the translator: All information about the translation will be posted soon.
Thank you to everyone who reads my translation)