New meeting with the Count (6)
I'm in trouble again.
After the incident, I immediately began to apologize:
- Sorry! I'm really sorry!
– Do you understand what you’ve done?
- Yes. I'm really sorry. It's my fault.
“And if I help you again, will you even kill me?” And then, of course, you will apologize. Is this how you always respond to help?
-...
His sharp tongue hasn't changed at all. I listened to him in silence because I was really very guilty. Even if I had ten mouths to feed, I still wouldn’t be able to justify myself. Vincent looked like he wanted to say something else, but he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, so he tried to control his anger. Beside him, Joeli was laughing uncontrollably.
- It's okay, don't worry, Pfft. Vincent just needs to get checked by a doctor. Pfft, haha!
- Shut up.
- Pha-ha-ha!
But Joely continued to laugh, and Vincent's murderous gaze turned to me again. I lowered my head and moved sideways behind Johnny, but he moved away from me, stepping to the side. I gave him a pleading look, but Johnny was adamant:
“Deal with what you’ve done yourself.”
What a bastard. In the end, I had to go through it alone.
That day I again seriously thought about escaping.
There were many more awkward encounters after this as he visited Robert frequently. At first he just gave me disapproving glances, but soon began to ignore me. From time to time, Joely would jokingly mention the incident, and I would break out in a cold sweat.
Alicia, another witness to the incident, seemed undecided whether she was jealous of me or not.
I still blush when I think about what happened. I thought that Vincent would punish me, but apparently his pride did not allow him to do so. I was lucky that I kicked him in the thigh and not right between the legs, but I still completely ruined his opinion of me.
I have a new reason to avoid him.
- Oh...
I entered the room with dessert for Robert. As soon as I closed the door, I discovered that there was someone else in the room. An adult man with a child in his arms. Even though he had his back to me, I recognized him immediately.
I froze. Vincent noticed me and turned around. When his gaze met mine, I instinctively lowered my head and smoothed my bangs out of habit. When I looked up, startled by his sudden appearance, he recognized me and frowned. The look of disapproval on his face made me nervous again.
I was about to greet him, but he raised his index finger to his mouth:
- Shh.
Shh? Ah, shh. I nodded and, imitating him, pressed my index finger to my lips. Vincent broke eye contact and patted Robert lightly on the back.
- Umm... Mom...
Robert's voice was so sad. Having examined his face, I saw that it was swollen from tears. He cried again. Robert missed his mother very much. It happened that he cried, calling her. It made me think about what kind of person Robert's mother was.
Vincent gently stroked his head. Slow, careful, but familiar gesture. Robert groaned for a moment and then exhaled calmly.
Bright rays of light streamed down the wall from a large window. Vincent's short blond hair glistened in the sunlight. Robert sniffled and rubbed his chubby cheeks. Vincent straightened up carefully.
Their figures swayed in the light.
Well, they look good together.
- Why are you looking at me like that?
Vincent looked back, frowning.
- Oh, no. Nothing.
I immediately lowered my gaze and leaned over.
Soon the only sound in the room was the child’s steady breathing. Vincent left the room, placing Robert, fast asleep, on the bed.
I, still holding the silver tray with dessert, looked at the sleeping Robert and went outside. I walked silently and very carefully closed the door behind me.
- You.
I again faced difficulties. But I had almost forgotten about Vincent’s presence.
Seeing his fierce eyes, I involuntarily raised the silver tray as high as possible to cover my face.
– Would you like to try it?
Even I thought my proposal was strange.
- What?
He, too, was at a loss.
“I brought it to give to the young master, but he is sleeping.” It will melt if you don't eat it. A melted dessert will become completely unpalatable and will have to be thrown away. I thought, if you don’t mind, and if you like sweets... Well, that is, even if you don’t like it, then... I wanted to say... Uh...
As I continued to speak, I myself stopped understanding what I wanted to say.
My voice gradually faded, and Vincent said nothing. An awkward pause hung in the air.
I didn't know how to end this situation, but suddenly the silver tray became lighter. I lowered the tray that was blocking my view and saw Vincent leaning against the window in front of me. In his hand he held the dessert that I was going to treat Robert to.
It was a chocolate cake. He broke off a piece of the dark cake and put it in his mouth. Vincent ate his dessert calmly. There were no sudden reproaches about what was happening. Он с большим удовольствием принялся кушать торт.
This amused me a little. His attitude towards me was not so great, but when he took a bite of the cake, his face lit up. Even though Vincent tried to hide it, it was obvious that he liked the dessert. He tried to look impartial, but he looked strangely pleased. As before, he loves sweets very much.
– Please drink some more tea.
I was afraid it would be too dry if I only had cake, so I poured tea into the cup I brought with me. But I forgot that Robert did not drink tea, but milk with honey. When I saw white milk, I was confused again. He looked at the cup, silently took it and calmly drank the milk.
- Sweet.
- It's with honey.
“Robert would definitely like it.”
It seems not only to Robert, but also to the man opposite me. Vincent eagerly drank the milk I offered.
I stood with the silver tray, watching Vincent carefully. He doesn't tell me to leave. He didn't even look at me, as if he wasn't interested in me at all.
There was silence in the corridor, where only the two of us were. Very quiet. But for some reason I didn't feel awkward. Perhaps because watching him gobble up sweets reminded me of good old times.
- What did you say your name was?
- A?
- Your name.
– Oh, I said it last time, apparently you didn’t remember.
- Last time?
His voice became harsh. I quickly shook my head to indicate that this was not the case.
That day, I couldn’t answer his furious question about who I was, and I just stood there with my eyes on the floor. Joely, who had been laughing mischievously for a long time, allowed me to leave, and I immediately ran away.
“I-I already greeted you.”
-...
“We’ve already met twice before.”
– Do I have to remember everyone I meet?
Although he said this sarcastically, something else surprised me. He acted as if he didn't actually remember that we had seen each other two more times before.
Usually everyone tells me that my face is impossible to forget. It was so ugly compared to my sister’s beautiful face that it was firmly ingrained in people’s minds.
He was surprised that we had already met before.
- Don't you remember?
– Ты не такая уж примечательная.
– Are you talking about me now?
– Is there anyone else here besides you?
His voice was cold. After that incident, he clearly remembered me, because every time we met, I felt his irritation and neglect.
But the fact that he does not remember past meetings puzzled me. Is he deliberately pretending not to know?
No, there was indifference in those big emerald eyes. Only then did I understand. He's not interested in me at all. He quickly forgot the face of the maid whom he had seen only twice.
I felt strange. I don't know if I should have felt bitter about his rudeness, since he doesn't even remember the people he's met. Or should I be grateful that they don't treat me like I'm different from everyone else.
But considering that I insulted him so much last time, it was very nice of him to play along and accept the dessert. And yet he is as prickly as before.
Hasn't changed at all.
- Ann... I think that's how you introduced yourself...
But it wasn't my name he said. I hesitated to answer. I'd already told him that name twice, but for some reason I didn't feel like answering it now. Even though it wasn't my real name, I couldn't say no, so I decided to remain silent.
- I'll remember.
It sounded threatening.
I glanced at him as he happily finished the cake. Его изумрудные глаза были ясными, а на спокойном лице не было никаких признаков тревоги. He really does see. No matter how many times I checked, each time I was surprised to realize this.
He frowned slightly, as if sensing my constant gaze, clearly making it clear that I should stop. I quickly looked down.
- Has the nanny left?
- Yes. Early in the morning she went to the main house. Apparently she has a lot to do there.
– And often does she leave?
– Quite often lately.
– What about Robert? Is he happy with everything here?
- Yes. He's fine.
– Is he still waiting for his mother?
I hesitated. Maybe he heard my conversation with Robert? I nodded belatedly.
- He tries not to show it, but...
– Nothing will change, even if it shows.
I'm familiar with this phrase. Nanny also said something similar.
In fact, Robert didn't often complain about missing his mother. When he is with the nanny, he chats non-stop, but he doesn’t say a word about his mother. Last time, the nanny scolded me for going into the forest with Robert, and I explained to her why I did that. She said that Robert really misses his mother.
Then the nanny smiled bitterly.
“He tries not to show it. After all, even if it shows, nothing will change.”
They say that before he was often capricious. But since his whims did not help him meet his mother, he gradually stopped.
Why not just say you miss it? Yes, whims are so childish, but he is a child. Unfortunately, the children of aristocrats grow up in strictness. Therefore, Robert acts more mature than necessary.
“If he says he misses you, just listen to him.”
The nanny asked me about this.
– And yet... He does a good job.
- If this were so, then he would not climb on that iron horse every time to look outside.
He also knew why Robert was so obsessed with that horse. Vincent was more interested in Robert than I thought.
- How do you think?
-What do you mean?
– Do you think there is a way to help Robert not miss his mother?
I thought for a moment. This was a difficult question.
But I know the answer.
– Is there someone you miss?
-... Why do you ask?
– The more we love a person, the more we miss him.
-...
Yes, the more attached we are, the more we yearn. Robert loves his mother very much. Therefore, there is no way to relieve him of melancholy. We can only distract him for a while, but we can’t completely rid him of these feelings.
“If there was a way, we would have used it a long time ago.”
We can't stop him from being bored.
That's what feelings are. Even if everything is bad, even if I don’t want it, I can’t just throw away what’s tormenting my heart. That's why it's so hard to feel.
“I don’t think his melancholy gets any easier simply because it’s not visible.”
He's right. Just because he doesn't show it doesn't mean he doesn't miss you. Just as no one will understand how to climb onto a horse with such short legs, no one will be able to comprehend the melancholy that Robert hides. Most likely, the feelings that he hides are actually very deep.
After all, we don’t see everything that actually exists.