When I was three years old, I started cleaning chimneys because my small body made it easy to get inside. During the day, I farmed in the vast sorghum fields of Sakhalin, and when night fell, I was beaten. After being beaten until late at night, I had to sleep hanging from ropes, like salted fish hanging to dry, sleeping in the air. Our leader said it was a method used by great kingdoms to make the homeless sleep, and we were hung like laundry. However, sometimes, if the ropes broke, some of my older siblings would fall and break their ankles. ‘Never let your guard down,’ our leader would say. The only thing he wanted was this: We never saw our parents’ faces. Our father was only our leader, the only person we knew as a father. Sleep and food were completely controlled. If we didn’t work, we couldn’t eat, and if we weren’t beaten, we wouldn’t feel loved. The parents we knew were always rulers. ‘God will establish a kingdom that will never perish, and this land of Sakhalin is the promised land of heaven. The great winter will destroy all nations and stand alone forever…!’ During break times, we sat in rows on monastery chairs and learned to speak and write from the priests. The passionate teachers would make us memorize the verses with flushed faces. We would shout in loud voices even though our pronunciation was awkward. However, the older siblings with big heads would often whisper that our leader would sell us to the military. We saw people in military uniforms get out of cars, and we, hiding behind the sugarcane, saw our leader bowing before them. ‘No, this Sakhalin is the promised land. They must have come to fulfill the promise…!’ A friend said, opening his narrow eyes, and several people around began to breathe more heavily. They hoped someone would save us. Suddenly, the sound of crying began to echo louder and louder. ‘In this world, angels don’t exist.’ Nevertheless, only Sonya kept moving, cutting sugarcane stalks with a small sickle, half the size of her body. After that, we had to tie the cut sugarcane leaves until sunset, and it was already dusk. Today, I would probably be beaten on my right calf. ‘Sonya doesn’t cry, it’s strange.’ My siblings always looked at Sonya strangely because she didn’t cry. But if I cried, I would feel thirsty and hungry. So even though my older siblings cried from the pain, Sonya just endured. Sometimes, if I bit my lip and swallowed the pain, a rough hand would reach for mine. The only person who understood my feelings was Kiya, who was shorter than me. ‘Sonya, Sonya. Then I will cry.’ Seeing Kiya cry loudly with snot running down her face, it felt like something inside me was released. Kiya always cried in my place. After crying like that, Sonya’s face would soften, and Kiya, who was very good at making that expression, would smile, and we would laugh together. Sonya would give water and food to Kiya who had cried for her. Kiya would look at Sonya with wide eyes, then like a puppy, run into her arms and really cry. We were all almost the same. We never cut our hair, so we looked similar, both in terms of gender and appearance. Our running ability was almost equal, and we never fell while hanging from ropes. We were also strong at cutting sugarcane, and our bodies were flexible, able to twist or roll without any problems. As time passed, many people began to take an interest in the Sakhalin children. Whenever that happened, our leader would wear a red robe that he usually didn’t wear, as if introducing high-quality goods, and we would all be opened up, left naked, as if being introduced for the first time. ‘No―!’ In an instant, blood splattered on our faces. As the skin of the siblings who had grown up with us was torn and their intestines spilled out, Sonya unconsciously reached for Kiya’s hand. People with blue eyes laughed loudly, clapping and shouting, but we remained silent like stones.
‘Ahhhh―!’ A large bear with its mouth wide open made a terrifying sound. As soon as the beast began to run towards us, Sonya quickly pulled Kiya, who was wetting herself. ‘Kiya, climb up!’ With almost a ton of weight, our bodies nearly collided, but quickly, we both managed to climb to the top of the bars by a narrow margin. Our hands, clasped together, trembled. We felt like our hearts would explode, facing a creature bigger and more ferocious than our leader. The bear, standing upright on two legs, shook the bars with full force, but we held on tightly. Sometimes we heard the whistles of the audience, but we endured. For the first time, I felt the desire to live. We had gone through many deaths and lives, countless times, in territories we didn’t know. We fought with the children of Dagestan who were raised by bears and learned acrobatics on ropes. We crawled, rolled, and flew. Wherever we were, we did that. Even when we were in a place engulfed in flames, the two girls never let go of each other’s hands. That was the only way we survived. We flew through the air, searching for each other and grabbing hands, and when we fell, we held onto each other’s ankles. When we swung on the ropes and spun, we embraced again like one body, and applause erupted. Even though our bodies were burning in the hot flames, we still laughed. Some of our siblings died after going in with beasts in heat, and others had their bodies severed while performing acrobatics on a floor full of sharp objects, yet even so, we still smiled at each other. Someday... a great winter will destroy all countries, and we will gouge out the eyes of the people applauding there, and thrust iron into their hearts. ‘The Night Circus Performance’ Our leader called this brutal performance a long-standing Sakhalin tradition. Most of the people who came to watch were Russian nobles, and our leader formed an alliance with them. This leader, who was considered like God by the Koreans, would turn into a clown whose face flushed red whenever he saw the large Russians. ‘Both are equally good.’ Many of our siblings died, but the most popular among us were the pair Kiya and Sonya. One day, pig-like people began to appear and wanted to take us away. With almost identical appearances and body sizes, Kiya and I were taken to a dark basement after being thoroughly washed. And when a fat man with bulging skin reached out his hand towards Sonya, Kiya made a commotion. She threw an ashtray onto the floor, shattering it, and scratched the man’s eyes. ‘– –!’ Kiya fell under the large, heavy body, but she still didn’t give up, frantically stabbing a knife into his throat. The pig didn’t move; his body turned into a pool of blood.
“You’re completely insane...! You deliberately ruined my business!”
Kiya shouted angrily. Despite being beaten severely by the master until she was almost dead, Kiya could no longer attack as usual; her eyes couldn’t roll back to strike. We just sat on nailed planks, like dogs that couldn’t bark or move, in a miserable state. However, we survived once again and this time were sent to the Winter Fortress. Before leaving, the master said that all pain would disappear and paradise would come. The beautiful Winter Fortress... Those were unbelievable words, but upon seeing its beauty, I couldn’t help but smile. With overflowing emotion, I took Kiya’s hand, as if we had made a promise. Staircases of gold and furniture adorned with rare jewels. Magnificent chandeliers bloomed on the ceilings, and gold-framed wallpaper shone beautifully even in the darkness. The red carpet on the floor gently wrapped around our frozen feet. ‘Kiya... are we really...’ After enduring and enduring, it felt like we had reached a paradise inhabited by angels. I was about to say that, but soon, large, rough hands shoved us into a room. It didn’t take long to realize that we had misunderstood. ‘Winter Fortress is the final test that you, who carry on the spirit of the old KGB, must pass. You have all completed the training with excellent results, and you are finally entitled to be loyal to the country.’ The heavy steps of military boots approached the door, and then the door opened. A group of large and tall Russian men walked in with sharp, sword- like strides. From their stern demeanor, Kiya hugged my body tighter. ‘After passing the final test, may you become proud and loyal agents of the country.’ Winter Fortress, with its vast snowfields. ‘What you must discard now is the feeling of pity.’ All suffering is buried in the accumulating snow. ‘Only those who can kill a child in front of them can become true Russian agents.’ That quiet and beautiful house. ‘From now on.’ The final test dedicated to training Russian agents, living dolls. We were merely objects in their hands. That was the children of Sakhalin.