“Who exactly is that order for?”
Seoryeong asked with a now cold head. He used to say he wanted me to stay by his side, but now he’s telling me to leave? I wanted to ask if he really considered me one of his members. But I chose to remain silent. Before accusing him, there was something I needed to ask first. Why did my heart feel like it was falling every time I felt his affection? Did I really only see Lee Wooshin as a superior? But even I couldn’t answer that for sure. If I questioned that, this conversation would only end with discomfort. Even though I didn’t want to say this… Seoryeong bit her lip before finally opening her mouth.
“Is this because we slept together?”
“What…”
“Is that why your attitude changed?”
“……”
“Last night was still just last night. But still, I’m a member who passed the test, who you chose yourself, Instructor.”
Seoryeong stepped closer, one step, then one more step, until the tips of her shoes touched his. Their gazes met, both trembling. In that silence, much was conveyed without a word, but neither spoke first. With challenging eyes, Seoryeong patted his shoulder and walked past him.
“Don’t act like a cheap man.”
“……!”
She went out, slamming the door behind her, leaving a cold draft. Lee Wooshin, who had been momentarily stunned, unconsciously began to fold the clothes she had carelessly left behind.
Such a temper…. Though his eyes remained sharp, a fleeting smile touched his face. The man stared pensively in the direction Seoryeong had just left, then turned around. The sound of his footsteps as he hurried out suggested anxiety.
---
A long wooden table. The members, all now changed into priest’s robes, sat around it. Yuda Wit seemed to suit his calm appearance; he had apparently once attended seminary. But the large Jin Hoje looked like he was awkwardly wearing a baby sling. Ki Taemin seemed uncomfortable in the long robe, but the stiffness around his armpits suggested he might be concealing a weapon inside. Seoryeong ate without paying attention to Lee Wooshin, who sat directly across from her. Even though it was just pine nut porridge, her stomach felt calmer. At that moment, Jin Hoje, who was chewing on potato salad, spoke up.
“But… does praying actually work?”
“It’s a kind of brainwashing.”
“Hah…!”
Jin Hoje was surprised, and at that moment, a priest sat down next to Seoryeong.
“Brainwashing is more effective when the brain is still soft and small.”
Words too cynical for a priest.
“Things learned from childhood stay for a lifetime. In the head, in the body, they leave traces. Want to eat this?”
A hot red lobster was placed on her plate. Wow…. Ki Taemin stared at it with wide, admiring eyes. So luxurious for a monastery…. Seoryeong turned and looked at the man named Kiya. Band-aids were haphazardly stuck on his forehead and temples.
Anyone could see it wasn’t neat work.
“No, my stomach isn’t feeling well.”
“It’s okay, you can throw up again after eating. I made this, so just eat.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Then, just crack open its head and eat that part.”
“…….”
“The head is the best part of all.”
This person was impossible to talk to. It felt like the first time she so badly wanted to hit someone’s head. With his chin resting on his hand, the priest now began to openly observe Seoryeong. As if seeing something rare, his gaze followed from her hair to her forehead, then to the bridge of her nose, the sides of her nose, past her philtrum, and down to her lips. His fingers occasionally twitched as if wanting to touch her.
“Well… he’s been holding weapons since he was a kid, and I’ve lived by the sea since long ago, so maybe it’s just like that….”
Jin Hoje glanced at the lobster, swallowing hard, but Kiya didn’t care at all about the muttering. As if disappointed that Seoryeong hadn’t touched the lobster, he asked, “What did you do when you were little?”
“――.”
There was a strange and twisted expectation in his gaze. Seoryeong, who was about to take a bite of her food, stopped. What else could I have done? I just lived in an orphanage. But as that thought crossed her mind, her consciousness slowly began to fade. Her eyelids, which had been actively moving due to hunger, now felt heavy.
“I… rode a carousel… with my dad…”
“Hm.”
Kiya let out a short hum from his nose. …What was that just now? What did I just say? What was that nonsense? Although she felt like she had answered, Seoryeong felt a strange sensation as if her voice and thoughts weren’t connected. Even her fingers began to stiffen.
“Then, want to ride a carousel?”
Thump! At that moment, Lee Wooshin slammed the table loudly. The trays rattled, and the other members’ spoons fell to the floor. Seoryeong was also startled, and her shoulders flinched. With a hazy gaze, she looked at Lee Wooshin, who began to interrogate her in an ice-cold voice.
“Member Han Seoryeong, what is your husband’s name?”
“What?”
“Wake up, and say your husband’s name.”
“…….”
“Counting down from three, you must say it out loud.”
“…….”
“Three, two, one.”
As soon as the count finished—thump!—the table shook again.
“The name of that damn husband you said you couldn’t live without—!”
That loud and sharp tone struck directly within. Lee Wooshin was like conducting an interrogation. His voice was calm and emotionless. But precisely because of that, he looked even more terrifying. His face showed no expression, his back was perfectly straight, only the veins in his neck were prominent.
“Wake up properly―! What is it that you truly want to kill!”
“Kim Hyeon―!”
Seoryeong shouted reflexively. Even though her head still felt dizzy, that name burst out as if pierced from within her chest.
“Kim Hyeon…! Kim Hyeon….”
The more she repeated it, the more the light returned to her previously vacant eyes. Even her heavy head felt lighter. Seoryeong began to pant.
“Yes… Kim Hyeon… I came here to find Kim Hyeon. I want to catch Kim Hyeon…”
“Good, don’t forget. You haven’t finished yet.”
“…….”
“Don’t stare. Let’s just eat again.”
He had just yelled, but Lee Wooshin turned his head away again with an attitude as if nothing had happened. W…hat? Seoryeong’s palms were wet with cold sweat. Just now, what was that? She took short, shallow breaths. It seemed the other team members were just as confused—they all stopped moving, only their eyeballs darting around. Everything felt so fast, too fleeting to comprehend. The hand holding her spoon trembled slightly, and from her wrist, a blue vein pulsed rapidly. Thump, thump— Just then, a clear bell rang, as if signaling prayer time.
“……”
“……”
Amidst the clear sound of the bell, the gazes of the two men clashed without hesitation.
“Don’t push yourself, old man.”
“You too, stop acting tough.”
Pffft…! Jin Hoje, who was drinking water, noticed the power struggle that had been ongoing since their first meeting and could only nervously lick his lips. This heretical sect… was now trying to flirt with one team member and provoke another? Jin Hoje, trying to ease the tension, threw out a random question.
“By the way, Father, what are those children’s toys outside?”
“They’re mine.”
“Excuse me? But… they’re clearly not for someone your age…”
“Who said I play with them now? They’re displayed for tombstone purposes.”
“Tombstone?”
Kiya, who had been staring intently at Lee Wooshin, then glanced at Seoryeong’s cheek, who could only remain wary of him. Then his lips slowly parted. His gaze suddenly radiated a different kind of pleasure.
“Those are the toys I used to play with the brothers at the monastery.
Because the parishioners were busy farming, their children were all left there. Many were also separated from their children somewhat forcibly. The Sakhalin branch has always operated a collective care system. So we were raised not by parents, but by the Religious Leader. Though it’s not as extreme now as it used to be.”
“When we came here earlier, I saw a lot of rice paddies and fields. Why is that?”
“Because the yield wasn’t good.”
“Yield… you mean?”
“Yes. All the children died.”
“……!”
The atmosphere instantly froze over the table. Not a single person accidentally scraped their eating tray. Even Jin Hoje, who had been relaxed earlier, frowned and asked, “What?”
Meanwhile, Kiya continued to grin as if nothing had happened. His cheek muscles twitched, as if he could endlessly repeat that story.
“I’m serious. They all died.”
“…….”
Kiya’s emotions shifted from gloomy to cheerful so quickly it was impossible to follow. Under the table, Lee Wooshin clenched his fist until his knuckles stood out, glaring sharply at Kiya.
“Do you know how useful children are?”
He chuckled softly.
“I’ve been naked in front of crowds and imitated animals.”
“…….”
“In Dagestan, children are raised with bear cubs. That’s why many tough fighters are born there. Then we were put into wild bear cages. I watched my brothers get eaten right in front of my eyes. Maybe that was Sakhalin’s first performance.”
For some reason, Seoryeong didn’t want to hear any more. The trembling that had begun to subside crept back up. Unconsciously, she glanced at Lee Wooshin as if seeking something to hold onto. For some reason, she felt she had to. Just looking at him made her feel a little calmer. Seoryeong stretched her leg under the table and hooked her ankle around the man’s ankle. That vacant and flat gaze slowly shifted towards her. Lee Wooshin’s jaw tightened, as if enduring deep pain.
“Have you ever seen a circus like that?”
Kiya picked up a fork and began to twirl it on the back of his hand, between his fingers, casually showing off a trick. Every time the fork moved, Seoryeong couldn’t help but watch. Her eyes seemed hypnotized, following the movement of the fork that whizzed lightly in the air.
“They said if I became strong, I would be taken to a beautiful castle.”
Her stomach felt nauseous again. Something was strange. She frowned.
“I crawled, rolled, and flew into the air with that child. We did every possible act. My bones broke countless times, my face was dented, but I still lived. We did everything. Nothing survived as tough as us. We prayed together, worked together, trained together, every moment. In joy and in sorrow. We were always together.”
With a natural motion, Kiya threw the fork towards Seoryeong. Unconsciously, she raised her hand and caught it on the back of her hand. The fork swayed, wobbled gently, before finally balancing itself. However, because Wooshin kicked the table leg hard, the fork fell to the floor again. Kiya tilted his head and pulled Seoryeong’s chair closer.
“Are you happy after getting married?”