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She couldn't tell him all the details.
How her mother had hated her eyes, how in a fit of rage she had tried to wound them with scissors.
She only briefly answered:
"Almost lost my eyes because of scissors."
She added that since then she had trimmed her hair only with tiny scissors, a little at a time.
Diego likely understood that she was hiding the most important part.
But he didn't start questioning.
Eileen took a sip of milk and asked in a tired voice:
"You're not afraid of anything, are you, Diego?"
"How could I be!
I have fears too."
She’d thought it was just a consoling lie.
But Diego spoke the pure truth, without a shadow of exaggeration.
"I was afraid of defeat."
"Defeat?"
"M-m...
All together we prepared for war, developed strategies, fought.
But it happened that no matter how one tries—nothing works.
Loss after loss." He, as if embarrassed, ran a hand through his hair.
"In such moments a feeling of defeat overcomes a person, and I hated that terribly."
The heavy look of comrades, the gloomy atmosphere after a lost battle, the bleak darkness.
Diego shared his memories frankly.
"For me it was very hard, so in moments when it seemed I could endure no more, I..."
He smiled playfully and pulled an ear with a hand.
On the ears, devoid of decorations because of service, only traces of piercings remained.
"One piercing was not enough, so I began adding tattoos.
Then I didn't understand, but now, looking back..." Diego for a moment thought, picking his words.
In the end he chose the most accurate definition for his actions.
"It was a kind of form of self-harm."
Eileen would never have thought Diego capable of such an admission.
Seeing her surprised look, he only shrugged.
"Now everything's all right.
It's all in the past." He smiled, adding that he no longer does piercings or tattoos.
Eileen slightly bit her lip and asked quietly: "How... did you manage to cope?"
"I whined." Diego tapped two fingers on the table, depicting running.
"When it was hard, I ran to Rotan, Senon, or Michele and whined: ‘When will we finally win?’ Then we’d gather together again and look for a way to win.
And to the Grand Duke I talked nonsense, that if I didn't win the next battle, I’d return my knightly title.
And he always brought us victory."
Thanks to this, everything turned out all right with time, said Diego and ran a finger over the table toward Eileen.
Then he lightly tapped her glass.
"In childhood I thought I was the best in the world, but it turned out there is much I cannot do alone."
Eileen looked at his finger touching the glass.
Her lips slightly trembled.
"Diego."
"Yes, My Lady."
"I want to change too." She would never become Ornella.
That was clear from the start.
Too different fates, too different roots.
No matter how she tried, the past couldn't be changed.
But she wanted to try her best.
She wanted to become a person whom it wouldn't be shameful to see next to Cesare.
She didn't want to be his blot.
"In fact...
I want to become beautiful..."
She confessed to Diego her shameful desire.
Kind Diego didn't start laughing at her.
He seriously offered advice: "How about cutting your bangs, like we discussed in the atelier?"
"And my eyes... aren't they too ugly?"
"What?!
Of course not!
I, and the Grand Duke, we both love your eyes very much."
Then she remembered how once in the garden Cesare had asked her to move her bangs to see her eyes.
He’d looked at her face without the slightest disgust.
"If you cut your bangs, he'll like it very much."
Diego's encouraging words gave her a bit of confidence.
Even if it seemed to herself that it was not beautiful, but if Cesare liked it, she was ready to cut her bangs.
However, one problem remained.
"But I'm scared..."
When scissors approached her eyes, it became hard for her to breathe.
Her body began to tremble strongly, and it went dark in her eyes.
If Diego hadn't been nearby, she would surely have fainted.
"Maybe take a sleeping pill and have a haircut?
I have one potent remedy.
It's in the laboratory."
Diego grimaced at such a radical proposal.
He folded his arms on his chest and thought.
Then, leaning on the table, he solemnly declared: "Let's ask for His Grace's help."
***
Approaching the Grand Duke's residence, Eileen continued to be nervous.
She kept pulling Diego's sleeve and whispering: "Are you sure it's all right?
He's surely busy..." It seemed to her he would get angry over such a trifle.
After all, one could just go to a hairdresser, and they had chosen such an inefficient way.
But despite all Eileen's anxieties, Diego was full of confidence.
"Just trust me.
He'll definitely receive us." He even declared that Cesare would be very glad to see them.
His excessive optimism only intensified her anxiety.
Eileen was already thinking of turning back, but Diego directed the military car right to the residence.
The soldiers at the gates stopped the car.
Diego lowered the window, they saluted and let them through.
The car crossed the garden in a blink and stopped at the mansion.
While Diego helped Eileen out, frightened servants ran to meet the unexpected guests.
"Where is His Grace?"
"In the office."
Finding out where Cesare was, Diego stepped forward confidently.
Eileen hastily followed him, whispering: "Are you definitely sure?
What if he's busy with business?"
"Then he's busy with business."
"And if he gets angry?.."
"Even if the sky splits in two, he will never get angry with you." He asked if she’d ever seen his anger, and Eileen gasped softly.
No.
She quickly ran through her memory—indeed, never.
All her fears and tremors were just the fruit of her imagination.
"Your Grace.
It's Diego." While Eileen indulged in memories, they had already reached the office.
Diego tapped lightly and, not waiting for an answer, flung open the door.
He stepped aside so Cesare could see Eileen well.
"And Lady Eileen is with me too."
Not having had time to prepare, Eileen immediately met Cesare's gaze.
She babbled distractedly: "E-eh, Your G-grace."
Cesare had just been reviewing documents at the desk.
He looked at Eileen in surprise.
At that moment she realized: in all this time she hadn't once come to him without a summons.
But she was in such a position that she could only come at his call.
And today, if not for Diego, she wouldn't even have dreamed of appearing.
Cesare silently looked at Eileen.
Sitting at the ebony desk, he squinted, then put down the pen.
He stood up and stepped confidently toward Eileen.
For some time he looked down at her, then took her by the chin.
His red eyes carefully studied her face.
"Who offended you?"
From his quiet question her cheeks caught fire.
Although she hadn't said anything, Cesare felt her anxiety and worry.
Eileen, still holding her chin, answered quietly: "No..."
"Then what's the problem?
Didn't like the dress?
We'll make a new one."
Eileen shifted her gaze to Diego, begging for help.
But he crossed his fingers, making it clear she had to say it herself.
Not seeing another way out, Eileen spoke hesitantly: "I want to... cut my bangs..."
"Want to?"
"Could you... help me?
It's very simple, it'll only take ten minutes." She diligently made excuses that she didn't want to bother him, then timidly asked: "Could you stay nearby while I get a haircut?"