**Chapter 46 — I Want Your Heart Back**
*I Ended Up Living Next Door to My Ex-Husband*
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"I won't simply let it go without conditions."
*Conditions? What kind of conditions?*
I swallowed quietly, and Cedric's lips parted once more.
"I want you to keep your distance from Adrian."
*From Adrian? But why...?*
Cedric exhaled softly at my bewildered expression.
"If you remain close to him and any misunderstanding arises between you, there's every chance our divorce could come to light. That's a risk neither of us can afford."
He had a point. It was a concern that affected us both equally. I nodded slowly.
"I see. I hadn't thought that far ahead."
"......"
"I'll do as you ask."
A satisfied smile settled gradually across Cedric's lips. But only for a moment.
"Until our divorce is announced and I leave this castle."
The smile vanished the instant I finished speaking. Something flickered across his face — a tension he was quick to suppress.
Cedric said nothing for a long moment, his jaw working silently, his gaze fixed somewhere just past me. Then, finally, he spoke.
"...Rebecca, that isn't what I meant."
His low voice settled softly in the space between us.
"What would you say to returning to the Mansion of Light?"
"...To the Mansion of Light?"
He nodded slowly.
"Yes. Living in the Dark Mansion as you do now means crossing paths with Adrian far too often."
"......"
"And that insufferable cousin of mine, Vincent Norman, is another problem I'd rather not leave unaddressed."
I stayed quiet, turning the proposition over in my mind. When I didn't respond, Cedric's brows drew together — a subtle but unmistakable sign that he was fighting the urge to press me.
"...It was so sudden," I said at last. "That's all. I was simply caught off guard."
I gathered myself and continued carefully.
"What surprises me is that you're the one making this offer. Honestly, I wouldn't have expected it from you."
Cedric's expression dimmed slightly at that. He seemed to take it as a reproach — another wound traced back to the past.
"I don't mean it as a criticism," I added quickly. "I said it because I was surprised, not because I'm disappointed in you. Those feelings — resentment, bitterness — I don't carry them anymore."
There was nothing left toward Cedric. No love. No anger. That had belonged to the Rebecca of before, not to me.
*Though I do find myself worrying about him, without even meaning to...*
But that wasn't love or hatred. It was something quieter. More complicated.
Cedric, however, looked as though my words had lodged like a splinter. He bit his lower lip, silent for a breath, then finally spoke.
"I was indifferent to you for a long time. No — worse than indifferent."
"......"
"I was cold to the point of cruelty. I can admit that now."
He loosened his tie slightly, as though the confession required more air, and murmured to himself as much as to me.
"...Yes. There's no avoiding it."
The blue gaze that had been fixed on his wine glass slowly lifted to meet mine.
"I misunderstood you. All this time, I misunderstood you — and I know that now. It was my indifference that shaped you into who you became."
A quiet depth moved beneath his eyes. His voice. His expression. Every part of him carried the weight of something entirely sincere.
*...If the old Rebecca had heard those words, how overjoyed she would have been.*
The thought came and went. But I was not that Rebecca. And what Cedric believed to be a misunderstanding — it wasn't one.
The Rebecca who had come before me was, in truth, a cruel and terrible person. And perhaps because of that, I felt it would be unjust to let Cedric shoulder guilt he didn't fully deserve. He, too, had been wounded by her.
I met his gaze steadily.
"It wasn't a misunderstanding."
"......"
"I wasn't the way I was because of you. The things I did in the past were my own failings — entirely mine. There's no one else to blame for them."
"Rebecca..."
"But I'm grateful. Truly. That you thought of it that way." I paused, steadying myself. "So please, don't carry more guilt than you need to — not over someone who is now simply your ex-wife."
"......"
"And as for your offer to return — I appreciate it. But..."
My voice remained gentle, yet I did not waver.
"I have no intention of going back to the Mansion of Light."
Cedric blinked, as though the words had landed harder than he'd anticipated. A silence stretched between us, uncomfortable and unresolved. When he finally spoke, the question that came out was nothing like what I'd expected from him.
"Why?"
I stared at him.
It hadn't occurred to me that he would ask. I had assumed that a simple refusal would be enough — that he would accept it gracefully, perhaps say it was a shame, and let the matter rest.
*I thought I had a reasonable read on him. Was I wrong?*
I steadied myself, keeping my expression composed.
"From the beginning, the terms of our arrangement were to live apart."
It seemed like a clear enough answer, but Cedric shook his head without hesitation.
"I'm not concerned with contracts anymore. What matters to me is what you want."
That was not a response I had expected from him either. I tilted my head, genuinely at a loss.
"I'm more settled where I am now," I said carefully. "Unlike here, I have staff at the Dark Mansion who are loyal to me. It's familiar."
Cedric's reply came immediately, as though he had already prepared for this.
"If the servants are the issue, you needn't worry. If anyone there makes you uncomfortable, I will deal with it."
"You mean the mixed-blood demon users?"
He was someone who had always treated them as family, regardless of their lineage. And now he was offering to discipline them — for me? For the woman he had once held in contempt?
I shook my head, unsettled.
"No. That would only make them resent me more. You can't do that."
I had no desire to add to the resentment already directed my way. Cedric pressed two fingers to his temple, his expression strained.
"Then what about Bianca?"
"What does Bianca have to do with this?"
"She's been waiting for you to come back. You know that."
The moment her name entered the conversation, I fell silent. Of course I wanted to give Bianca what she wished for — that longing in me burned like a flame. But that sweet child was, in fact, the very reason I couldn't return.
The contract was nearly at its end. In a matter of months, I would be leaving this castle for good. I couldn't let Bianca grow more attached to me only to face that loss when it came.
"Even if I returned to the Mansion of Light for Bianca's sake, I'd only be with her for a few months."
I kept my voice level.
"If we grow closer during that time and then I leave — it will only hurt her more."
Thinking of Bianca, something heavy settled in my chest. I exhaled quietly, already feeling the ache of it.
*Cedric, why are you doing this?*
I couldn't make sense of it. He was the one who had proposed the separation in the first place, who had set the terms of our arrangement long before any divorce was mentioned. We had settled into something civil between us since then — but that was all it was.
So why was he persisting like this? Why, each time I declined, did he press further instead of stepping back?
*It almost feels like he's deliberately unsettling me. Dangling something just out of reach.*
"What exactly are you after?" I asked at last, my tone somewhere between a question and a challenge. My eyes, I suspected, held equal measures of suspicion and wariness.
Cedric looked at me for a long moment without speaking. Then, slowly, a quiet, self-mocking laugh escaped him.
"It seems the tables have truly turned."
There was a raw edge to his voice beneath the lightness.
"Here I am, reaching for you, and there you are, questioning my motives." He paused. "That was the other way around for the entirety of our marriage."
"......"
For just a moment, the ease that always lived behind Cedric's blue eyes went entirely still.
"How did it feel?" he asked quietly. "All that time."
"...I think I'm beginning to understand."
The bitterness in his expression was unlike anything I had seen from him before. I searched for something to offer him — some small comfort — and found little.
"Cedric, there's no use dwelling on it."
"......"
"We're already divorced. In a few months, we'll go our separate ways and likely never see each other again."
"......"
"So perhaps it's time to let go of the past and—"
"I'm afraid I can't."
His voice was soft. Immovable.
"I've tried to think of it as something I could put behind me — simply move on, draw a clean line. But I find I'm no longer able to."
He stopped. Then, in a quieter register, as though confessing something he had been holding back for a long time:
"The thought of you leaving this castle in a few months..."
A pause.
"Sometimes it becomes unbearable."
Cedric raised his eyes to mine.
"I regret the day I decided to let you go. And I regret every moment I didn't understand what I was losing — every day my heart was too closed to see you clearly."
I sat very still.
*Regret.*
Could that word really belong to Cedric?
I blinked, unable to quite believe what I was hearing. He caught the look on my face and gave a short, sardonic laugh at his own expense before pressing on.
"I only just understood it — and yet I cannot let you go knowing what I now know. So I'm asking for one more chance."
The sincerity in his eyes had deepened into something I couldn't dismiss or deflect.
"Rebecca, I want your heart back."
---
How much time passed after that?
I sat motionless, caught somewhere between disbelief and the dull roar of my own pulse.
My heart, which had been perfectly still a moment ago, began to beat faster — and then faster still — until it seemed to fill my entire chest. I could not quiet it. I looked away from his gaze, trying to find somewhere safe to rest my eyes.
So Cedric...
The first thing I felt was a brief, startled flicker of joy.
And then, right behind it — fear.
Since arriving in this world, I had thrown myself into the business of surviving each day. I had tried to, at least. But even so, in the small unguarded moments — just before sleep, while lifting a teacup, while watching light move across a window — grief had a way of finding me.
Memories of my past life. The quiet mornings with my husband. The way we had leaned into each other's dreams, held each other's weight. The warmth of an ordinary day that seemed, from the outside, perfectly whole.
And what had been hidden inside it.
The cruel truth that had been buried beneath all of it.
I had grown wary of love that kept secrets. Of sweetness that covered something hollow. Of whispering devotion like it cost nothing.
*I don't want to begin something like that again.*
Because I did not think I could survive being hurt that way a second time.
By the time those thoughts had run their course, the tremor Cedric's confession had stirred in me had quieted. I picked up my teacup, took a slow sip, and set it down with care.
"Duke Bold said something strange to me."
"......"
"It was the day he came without warning."
I looked at Cedric, whose silence was patient, waiting.
"Lillian's heart — what is that?"
A look of bewilderment crossed his face. I had expected that. But in that moment, I found myself hoping — quietly, almost against my will.
"For me as well..." I said softly. "Could you tell me?"
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