"I think he only likes my body."
"What? What do you mean?"
Hannah burst out laughing as if dumbfounded.
"Don't laugh. I'm serious."
Claudel pouted and puffed out her cheeks, but Hannah kept smiling.
"Say something that makes sense. The Lord truly cares about you."
"No. It's not like that."
"Why do you think that? You've seemed a bit low these past few days, so I was wondering if I should call a doctor."
"I'm not in pain anywhere."
If I were being honest, the place that hurt was my heart. I often felt a persistent ache in the middle of my chest these days.
"My Lady, you trust me, right?"
"Yes."
"Then why do you say such things?"
"Just..."
There were things I couldn't say even to Hannah. Even if she knew, she would unconditionally take my side and try to cheer me up rather than give me realistically helpful advice.
I rose from my seat.
"I can't stay here. I'm going to the lakeside."
"Now?"
"Yes. I'll be back in a bit. I think I'll feel better if I take a walk."
"I want to go with you, my Lady. The Lord is so protective."
The lakeside, where I'd collapsed coughing blood, had become my favorite place. When Kaian discovered I liked the spot and visited often, he issued a strict order that no one could enter except for the gardener who came early in the morning to do trimming work.
The reason was so he could catch me sometimes while I was walking and give me deep kisses. Knowing I was afraid of being seen, he'd banned all visitors and argued that since no one was coming, he could kiss me as much as he wanted.
*Do we really have to kiss that much?*
I couldn't say Kaian had done wrong because of his boldness, but he hadn't done anything bad either. In the castle, I didn't feel at ease even in my own room. It was nice to be able to be truly alone by the lake.
"Oh, a flower I've never seen before has bloomed."
In Rowan lands, where flowers bloomed year-round, every time I visited the quiet lakeside, new colorful flowers appeared—which always lifted my spirits.
I removed the dress I was wearing, folded it carefully, dipped my feet in the lake, then slowly entered the water. Lifting onto my tiptoes and wading through, I reached the center of the lake and lay down on the surface, releasing all tension from my body.
*Splash.*
My body submerged for a moment, all the way to my head, and when my whole body relaxed, I naturally floated back up.
"Pah."
I ran my hands over my face, wiping away the moisture, then lay back with my arms outstretched, gazed up at the sky, and closed my eyes.
After Kaian completely stopped people from visiting, I'd often secretly practiced swimming here. That day I'd decided to learn from Kaian, but it had ended up being our first kiss instead.
What he'd told me about teaching me to swim had been theory and basics, so I'd thought about it and tried it on my own, and I'd actually been able to swim in the water.
*"You are Temnes now. Not Vermont. If you can't even do this, you can't be called Temnes."*
At first, I'd tried to prove to the man who'd said that I, too, could accomplish this much. I was going to surprise him by showing I could swim too.
"Ha..."
These days, I felt comfortable spending time floating in the water. This place itself had become my refuge, so I came here almost daily. I visited the place I'd first come to with Kaian, and since he was the only one missing, when I came here I felt a profound longing for the person whose warmth I'd shared the previous night.
"I thought unrequited love would be manageable."
I was struggling because of my uncontrollable emotions. Although his attitude toward me was somewhat cold, Kaian was my husband. It had been my misjudgment—being clumsy with romantic feelings—to think I might fall in love with my husband simply because we were already married.
"Is it too much to hope you might like me back?"
Objectively, my current situation was quite good. I hadn't understood that before.
I'd come to Rowan Castle expecting to die from consumption, and I'd been mistreated by the people of Temnes initially, so I'd known I could be in grave danger. The Lord held absolute power, like a King, within his own territory.
Due to eccentric and terrible natures, it was easy for some Lords to find maidens to replace wives who died one after another. The first night I'd arrived at the castle, I'd felt like I was walking into a quagmire.
Yet Kaian had been careful when holding my thin, delicate wrist that looked as if it would break if he bent it with just one hand. Even when he'd held my arm or other places, he'd been considerate, as if worried I might be hurt by his strong body pressing against me.
I'd steeled myself to endure the night as if being forced, but despite his coldness and undisguised disdain for Vermont, I'd slowly begun to relax as the man treated me with care. I'd been able to entrust myself to him.
In fact, even before he'd obtained medicine for my consumption—perhaps I'd liked him even from that day? So it had occurred to me that perhaps I'd saved him when the crocodile was about to attack because of those budding feelings.
"Ha... it's painful."
Kaian was my husband. We ate together once a day and shared intimacy secretly at night. However, unlike my body, which he'd married without deeper thought, my tender and fragile heart lingered around him, yearning for even a fraction of Kaian's affection.
"I thought, why not like him since he's my husband anyway? I feel foolish now."
Once I'd admitted it to myself, it was only natural that I would eventually crave his heart like this. I wanted to know more about Kaian—what he liked and was interested in, how he'd grown up when he was young, his hobbies, what he did in his free time.
All I knew about him were his favorite foods, his sleeping habits, and the fact that he was obsessed with my body.
He desired me every day, and I obediently complied with his demands. Since I wasn't the biological daughter of the Duke of Vermont, I had no reliable family or support. The reason I accepted this life was because the man had shown kindness by obtaining my medicine, and I should have been grateful he was treating me as his Duchess at all.
Our relationship was very shallow, and the more Kaian wanted me physically, the more anxious I became about it.
When he held me close at night and let me fall asleep, I was filled with hope that perhaps this person liked me too. As morning sun rose, I came to my senses thinking that couldn't possibly be true when Kaian left the bedroom.
Then during lunch, when he fed me my favorite foods or cut my meat into small pieces by hand, I felt something tighten in my chest and wondered how he didn't realize I liked him.
After that, once he went to the office, as the sun set and night deepened until he came to the bedroom, thoughts about Kaian consumed my mind. He was busy with work and wouldn't think about me, but I was the only one suffering like this.
Dwelling on that brought me distress. How wonderful if the nights were longer—it would mean more time to feel the brief happiness and warmth in his arms. It was disappointing that nights in Rowan lands, warm and sunny year-round, weren't as long as those in Vermont. If this were Valmonde, Kaian would stay in my bedroom two or three hours longer.
"Why did we have to meet like this?"
The fact that I was from Vermont meant that, compared to other potential matches, I'd already had points deducted before even starting. Usually you had to build goodwill, but my starting point was deeply unfavorable.
I emerged from the water with my melancholy, dried my hair, and wiped my body with the towel I'd brought. When I pressed the towel to my thin undergarments, the moisture was quickly absorbed. I put my dress back on and headed toward the castle.
It had been a long time since these small rituals had comforted me.
---
Outside the Lord's office, several servants carrying large boxes the size of a human torso stood in line.
Kaian, seated in his chair, looked sharply at the young woman before him. The woman with dark chestnut hair, taut white skin, meticulous makeup applied to her eyes and cheeks, and a plumed hat atop thick curls was perfectly dressed in capital fashion.
Madame Marcel, whom he was interviewing, had just applied to become the seamstress at Rowan Castle.
"I think you're much younger than I expected."
"Thank you for the compliment, Duke."
The beautiful woman with a smiling face had shining green eyes.
"I didn't say you were young—I said you *look* young. Women have many ways to lie about their age."
"It's definitely capital style. Can you make Rowan-style dresses with the same sophistication?"
"First, I've completed what you ordered, so please examine it yourself."
Kaian was carefully selecting the new seamstress. Several had come to the interview with dresses tailored to Claudel's measurements that he'd provided in advance, but he hadn't been satisfied with any, so he'd sent them back after paying for the garments.
When Madame Marcel summoned the servants waiting outside, they diligently retrieved a dress form from the box and immediately displayed a southern-style dress made of flowing chiffon lace.
"What do you think?"
The dress she'd made was exquisitely crafted. It didn't use multiple layers of lace but rather a single layer of white chiffon she'd dyed a deep red toward the hem—it looked like Claudel would appear very beautiful in it.
"It's quite good. The best I've seen yet."
By Kaian's standards of praise, this was a glowing review.
"Are you married?"
"I'm divorced."
"What about children?"
"Unfortunately, I have none."
"Then I assume you can reside in the castle."
"I would be grateful for that."
Kaian leaned back and rubbed his chin.
"From now on, you'll be the new seamstress of Rowan Castle."
"It's an honor, my Lord."
Madame Marcel didn't hide her pleased expression.
"My wife doesn't know anyone in the south. She only has the maid who came with her from Valmonde. Do your best to please the Duchess from now on."
"Would it be possible to meet her?"
Madame Marcel seemed agreeable and he approved of her. All the candidates who'd come for interviews previously had been young men with handsome faces, so they'd all been eliminated.
The thought of hiring a man who might enjoy himself while Kaian worked hard—touching Claudel's body, which was too precious to even observe alone, with thin silk or lace—made his blood boil. He couldn't possibly hire them.
Madame Marcel was a woman who'd come with a letter of recommendation from Madame Cronac from a capital salon, so her skills must be certain.
After Madame Marcel departed, Kaian found himself eager to see the dress standing in his office, unable to wait to see Claudel wearing it.
"Take this and follow me."
After giving orders to the servant standing in the hallway outside his office, he hurried toward Claudel's room. These days, he always took his time walking to her chambers, savoring the anticipation.
"Claudel."
He was so eager that he opened the door himself without knocking.
"Kaian? What's happened?"
"It's a gift."
As he'd ordered, the dress form was placed in the room and the servant quickly departed, closing the door.
"How is it? Do you like it?"
However, contrary to Kaian's expectations, Claudel's expression became dejected and her shoulders slumped.
"Is it another gift?"
---