"If you tell them, they won't listen."
"Kaian."
I looked up at my husband with a smile and then lowered my gaze as soon as our eyes met. Despite the fact that I'd welcomed him, Kaian's eyes were as cold as thin ice, filled with some kind of dissatisfaction.
"Why bother staying there when the butler recommends rest? Butler, how long has Claudel been standing?"
"About three hours."
Kaian's brow furrowed, and the servants and maids who'd been working chaotically around us suddenly became quiet.
"Follow me."
I looked at the eyes of the staff watching me and Kaian.
*This is like debuting as a Lord's wife.*
That's what I'd thought about the sudden preparations to welcome the King. But my husband appeared out of nowhere and undermined me.
"Just look at this—"
Before I could finish speaking, Kaian snatched the paper I'd been holding while counting the curtains and blankets I'd taken out of storage and handed it to the butler. At that moment, I felt as if my cherished treasure had been taken away.
"Come quietly."
The feeling in my heart was so strong I was surprised.
*Isn't morning sickness over?*
Just as the doctor had said, it had only been three days since I'd thought my emotions had calmed down like a still lake.
Anyway, as the staff glanced at our standoff, the energy that had been diligently moving hands and feet dropped, and they looked at each other awkwardly. Eventually I grabbed Kaian's arm.
"All right."
Only then did Kaian look down at me—cold as if urging me on—then relaxed his gaze and began walking toward the bedroom as if escorting me.
I kept my mouth shut and said nothing until we reached the room, because I wanted to show I was offended.
Kaian said to Hannah, "It's time for tea."
"I'm baking cookies in the kitchen today. I'll bring the tea up with fresh ones."
"Yes."
At his words, Hannah disappeared as if leaping out.
"You're being too much."
When the door to the room closed and the two of us were left together, I looked at him with sad eyes.
"What do you mean I'm being too much?"
"I was working hard in my own way. What will my subordinates think of me if their Lady leaves without finishing her work?"
"What will they think? They'll think you're the hostess of Rowan."
Kaian seemed to have no idea what the problem was or why I was upset. Seeing his reaction made me feel sad.
*I have to be a proper hostess.*
In this way, the position of the future baby as successor would be strengthened.
It had been a daily routine where I'd been half-exhausted due to morning sickness, but as soon as my physical condition improved, I'd started running around busily looking for things I should have done long ago.
I couldn't just leave the work I'd neglected until now as it was. A hostess who had nothing to do in the castle. A figurehead Lady who had no influence in deciding matters big or small in the castle. A Duchess who was ignored and not respected by her staff.
*I can't be that kind of mother to my child.*
The hostess's influence and status within the family directly influenced the treatment of her child.
There were two main factors that affected the evaluation of a woman who'd given birth: one was whether she was favored by the family head, and the other was whether she managed the estate well.
Kaian seemed to be the type of person who cared for me to the point where others said he was "overprotective"—even the King whom I'd never met before had noticed. So, setting aside what was already secure, the remaining factor was the problem. After giving birth, I wouldn't be able to directly handle the castle's affairs for a while during the postpartum period, but I planned to establish myself as much as possible beforehand.
As expected, a mother was strong.
"I told you not to think about idling and eating here."
In such a case, why would he come and interfere when I was trying to do my work?
"Didn't the doctor tell you that it's not good to stand for long periods of time?"
"But—"
Having a tense abdomen wasn't a good thing. The doctor had warned not to stand or run for long periods, and these were all recommendations passed to Kaian for "treatment."
"The butler will take care of it, so you don't have to worry about hosting Valquiterre."
"No, I don't want that."
I was displeased with his exclusion of me from these matters.
"I am not a patient. If I learn various things, I can do them all."
"I said you don't need to do it."
"I say I do it because I want to. What kind of meddling is this?"
My position remained ambiguous. I was in a relationship through an arranged marriage between powerful noble families, but I was unable to completely win my husband's heart, and my own family was caught between us as their relationship wasn't good.
*Kaian probably doesn't know how I feel right now.*
When I thought of the pregnancy that both the doctor and Hannah had rejoiced over and over again, saying it was like a miracle, I was grateful for the baby who'd come to me like this. The life in my womb was so precious and wonderful I didn't know what to do. Then, when I remembered my precarious situation, I felt sorry for the baby.
*I wish I could be a better mother.*
I didn't have to worry about anything going wrong, but I was sorry I couldn't give birth to my child with a healthier and stronger body, and I was sorry I was a mother who didn't have strong support.
I, who had so little, was determined to do whatever it took to give my love and attention to the child who'd given me hope in life.
There was no way I could tell Kaian such secrets since I hadn't yet even told him about my pregnancy.
Moreover, if I revealed my inner feelings, I'd be exposing my own inadequacies to a man who'd grown up unaware of shortcomings or deficiencies throughout his life, which somehow hurt my pride.
*I don't think anyone will understand what I'm saying.*
Kaian believed he could even defeat the god of death, and he actually could.
Perhaps he was a man who seemed to be on the opposite end of the scale from my life. Unlike me, whose life had been harsh and impoverished, he was a man who'd risen to a glorious position, enjoying only blessings and good fortune. He was a man who always won and never seemed to taste defeat. A lion with a full stomach couldn't understand a rabbit that was hungry because there was no grass to eat.
"What kind of interference are you talking about?"
Kaian looked at me closely as I raised my voice emotionally.
"Why are you so worked up?"
"I'm sorry."
I tried to contain my agitation.
"I tried my best to handle my duties, but you forced me to stop."
In this situation, I was the first to offer an apology. Even when my heart was hurt and I was being petty, the pride of a great man was such that he was cared for by those around him—so that he didn't have to bow first.
Soon Hannah came in, pushing a tray filled with fragrant tea and snacks.
*Not long ago I had no appetite.*
My food aversions seemed to be definitely over, because even looking at a small cake coated with shiny chocolate made my mouth water.
Kaian pulled me to the table and filled my teacup with his own hands.
"You have plenty of time anyway. You can do the castle work gradually. Don't act like someone who's upset because they can't work."
That part was a critical error in his judgment. Kaian felt there was enough time, but I suffered from the pressure that I had to achieve a certain amount "before the baby was born."
However, this happened because he didn't know that a Lady's authority was already secured—Kaian had chased servants from the hallway in front of my room. Objectively, my reputation as a Lady in the castle couldn't have been better, but I was the only one who didn't know that and was anxious.
I decided to change the subject.
"What brings you here? I thought you were with His Majesty."
"He said he was tired from the long journey, so he was going to bathe and rest."
"Why did His Majesty come here?"
I asked what I'd been curious about the whole time. Kaian had no reason to hold back since he thought I'd surely ask Valquiterre too.
"He just came to rest."
"Suddenly?"
I asked almost exactly what Kaian had asked Valquiterre earlier.
"Valquiterre has many memories of this castle."
He cut a cake into small pieces with a fork and put one in my mouth.
"Her Majesty Silvia passed away around the same time my parents passed away. He hasn't been to Rowan Castle since then."
I listened to him as I took a sip of tea. It had always been a secret that Valquiterre had invited me to Fromhunt, flirted with me, and come to the castle.
"He said he'd take a break, so he should be able to come to his home as he pleases—it was like that."
"You say this is his home?"
"Valquiterre has been very fond of Rowan Castle since he was young. I think it might be because while he was staying here, he was able to escape from the Crown Prince's education and have fun."
"Did you just have fun when you went to the royal castle?"
Kaian looked at me with a serious face.
"No. Every time I visited the royal castle, Her Majesty Silvia would invite Valquiterre's teachers to teach me politics."
"Really? Truly?"
When I laughed out loud, the air between us that had been awkwardly stiff due to my earlier coldness loosened.
"And my mother asked Her Majesty to send a teacher of poetry and literature to the castle."
"Why?"
"I'm not good at that."
I opened my eyes wide.
"Is there something you can't do?"
"Actually, I haven't even tried. It wasn't fun and I wasn't interested."
"I see."
I learned a side of Kaian I didn't know about. Poetry had a lot of content about love and courtship, so it felt like it didn't fit well with Kaian—because he was better suited to being praised rather than pleading for something.
He reached out his hand and caught a piece of chocolate from the corner of my mouth with his thumb and licked it.
"Isn't a man who doesn't have the eloquence to please a Lady's heart pitiful?"
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