I kissed him like he did to me.
My chest throbbed as my startled heart pounded inside my body as if it were my own doing. It was the kind of kiss that resembled the sudden presence of Kaian in my life.
He'd arrogantly told me—who was fading without hope or motivation—"Did you think you could die the way you wanted?" He'd said he couldn't allow it and forcibly injected me with vitality that wouldn't come out even if I scratched the floor, and completely snatched me away.
*He's not pushing me away.*
As his body moved closer, it felt as if my mind also drew near, and the gap of anxiety narrowed in an instant.
Still, I wasn't simply happy. My mind, which had been walking a tightrope all this time, brought about more complex and strange emotions.
Like before he'd opened up to me, I had to be careful about how I carried myself with his child. The words of my confession to the man who passionately held me in his arms and absorbed himself in mingling our breaths as if his heart was burning—had they been in vain, breaking against a rock like bubbles?
Well, they were probably the remains of waves that scattered and disappeared, not rocks. I held Kaian, who couldn't feel the absence of heartache, and calmed my bitter feelings alone.
When my lips—which had been tightly intertwined as if trying to reveal my intentions—parted, Kaian's red eyes looked down at my golden eyes.
The man, who was looking at my eyes in silence, gently touched my dry eyes as if he were going to wipe away tears.
"Why are you making that face?"
"..."
"Like you're going to cry."
He rubbed his fingertips as if he'd removed invisible tear stains.
"You cling to me because you like it, but you look sad."
"...It's because I was surprised."
I barely answered while avoiding eye contact. When the man who'd appeared so unexpectedly suddenly kissed me, I felt like I'd shown the emotions that had been lingering inside me in an unrefined way, and I felt a little regret.
*I don't want to be vulnerable with Kaian.*
He often told me I was "fearless," but when he exposed my heart to him, it hurt me. So what had he seen when I was clinging to him in such bright light?
I'd clung to his earlobe under his damp black hair, and as I'd watched the drops of water fall across his broad shoulders, his strong muscles shifting, I'd felt Kaian's eyes rest on me. The anxiety lurking in my chest—I wished he hadn't read it.
*I was the only one who got rejected.*
Immediately after that, after returning to the castle, I'd remembered how every time Kaian lifted a finger or said a word to me, I couldn't say no and became obedient to him. I'd realized I couldn't be that way with the baby—it was the same issue.
Because the succession was important. After he'd mentioned the treatment for aftereffects, Kaian wasn't controlling me as obnoxiously or meanly as he had back then.
Even though I wanted to stay comfortably by his side, I just couldn't do that.
I pulled away from him and stood upright.
"Why did you come suddenly?"
Kaian's eyebrows furrowed in displeasure at my words.
"I can't believe you're doing something like this for the first time. Don't be half-hearted."
If sending the budget list through Hannah was the problem, what on earth did it have to do with him coming to scold me and kissing me before I could even say anything?
Kaian was telling me not to act half-heartedly, but he was actually acting inconsistently.
However, the more I argued with him, the more embarrassed I became, so as he criticized me, I folded my hands and lowered my head a little, becoming polite.
"I didn't mean to be careless."
"It's amazing—you sent Hannah instead."
"Just for today. It's hard to see you."
Kaian snorted at my excuse.
"It's quite different from last night."
My cheeks suddenly grew hot.
"Has the spirit you had when you opened the bathroom door as if you were going to break it down now gone?"
"I didn't break it open!"
"Why don't you open the office door like that?"
When I raised my head and met his gaze, his face was cold and stern with a line of wrinkles between his eyebrows. But the corners of his eyes were slightly curved, and if you looked at his eyes, he seemed to be happy.
*I'm being teased again.*
I shouldn't have given him an excuse in the first place. I sighed and nodded my head.
"I will go directly once I get the budget sheet from Hannah."
Now that I thought about it—where had Hannah gone? As I questioned, he grabbed my wrist and lifted it up.
"Here."
Kaian handed me back the paper he'd taken from his desk, which I'd made myself. I was astonished.
*If it's going to be like this, why did you bring it with your own hands?*
Wouldn't it be better to just review it in person?
"Wait."
While I was dumbfounded, Kaian quickly walked out of the room and disappeared.
---
After a while, heading to the office, I regretted that I'd sent Hannah away for no reason.
*I should have just gone.*
I hadn't had the courage to see Kaian's face, so I'd delayed going to the office for a while, and after much deliberation, I'd asked Hannah to be my messenger.
In conclusion, it was worse than doing nothing. I couldn't help but sigh when I thought of the man who'd followed me to the bedroom and returned the budget with his own hands.
"I should become a competent Lady."
I knew very well that he wasn't the type of person to do anything half-heartedly. I was worried I'd have to be flawless to get a passing grade under Kaian's high standards.
"Please announce me."
As I spoke to those standing guard in front of the office, the guard who'd bowed to me knocked on the door.
*Knock knock.*
As soon as he knocked, I heard a voice from inside telling me to enter.
I made a self-suggestion.
*Kaian never came to the bedroom before this.*
The guards on either side opened the heavy, thick door, and I went inside.
*Wow.*
I was amazed. As Kaian had put it, I was a Duchess without responsibilities, and I'd had no business coming into his office.
I remembered that when I'd first come to Rowan Castle, he'd told me not to even think about idling in his castle and had handed me an invitation and a list of names of people to invite to the crocodile hunt.
I'd brought it back after finishing, but since Kaian hadn't been in the office that day, I'd never seen him sit comfortably in his place.
*They say he's the King without leisure.*
The symbol of Temnes was a lion with its mane spread out in all directions like a halo. In the office, shelves for books and decorations were placed symmetrically on the left and right, and the desk was placed in the center.
The eyes of the man who looked at me as I entered the room—with his elbow resting on the armrest and his chin resting on his hand—were very much those of a ruler.
I slightly bent my knee to greet him, went in, and placed the budget I'd brought back on his desk again.
As I changed my posture and sat down in front of his desk, his presence felt as if it would fill the not-so-small office.
*This person looks commanding anywhere.*
I suddenly came to my senses as I remembered the familiar feeling of déjà vu, wondering when I'd felt this way before. I remembered him sitting in the bathtub as if a god had come to rest.
"Hmm."
He looked closely at what I'd brought. I waited impatiently for him to speak.
"This is pretty good."
"Really?"
I sighed softly at the positive answer, and Kaian took out a small piece of paper from a pile of papers stacked next to him.
"But did you copy the correct answer?"
I opened my eyes wide.
"You're smarter than you look."
In fact, I knew nothing about the Rowan estate. Even if it was an arranged marriage between families, it was common for a couple of years after the engagement to include courtship and bridal training before being officially married.
In the meantime, it would be good for those who would be married to chat and bond. At the very least, it was a way to study and prepare in advance about the characteristics and various aspects of the woman who would play the role of hostess after marriage.
But my marriage had been a complete mess. After the King's order to marry, there'd been only about a month until the ceremony, and it was the first time I'd seen my husband's face at the ceremony.
There was no way I'd known anything about the Rowan territory.
*"It's natural that you don't know. Let me help you."*
In fact, I'd been so resigned to the fact I was going to die that I hadn't even cared about living as a Duchess if at all possible, so after listening to the butler's words, I'd completely accepted his help.
*"You don't know much about events at Rowan Castle. You've only been here for a short time, so how can you prepare for a year's worth of events by yourself?"*
Then Kaian leaned forward and raised the corners of his lips mischievously.
"Who said what? A Lady's ability to manage her subordinates well is also her ability."
Only then did I realize that Kaian was teasing me again.
*Ugh, you're so mean.*
However, I felt a sense of relief at the thought that a task I'd been worrying about for some time had gone smoothly.
Kaian pushed back his chair and spread his arms.
"Come here."
I approached him awkwardly. Kaian lifted me onto his lap and stroked my head.
"Good job."
"...Really?"
"Whatever I say, there's no way it's completely true all at once."
"You had fun just now. You're serious, but you're making fun of people."
"I'm teasing you. You did a good job, so I was just thinking about what you'd like as a reward."
I rested my head on his strong shoulder and squeezed the hem of his clothes.
*If you're going to give a reward, it's you I want.*
Without realizing it, Kaian comforted me and lightly kissed me on the forehead. I gradually relaxed in the harmonious atmosphere that had come for the first time in a while.
It felt as if my daily life had been caught up in a storm ever since I'd returned from the capital.
*Can we talk about the child soon?*
The reason I'd asked the doctor not to tell was because I was anxious about the aftereffects, but it was also because I couldn't get my mind together after being rejected by Kaian.
*I think it'll be okay now.*
Now that I'd processed everything, including Madame Marcel's matter, I didn't think I could be more shaken than this.
"Hey, Kaian. I have something to say..."
It was just when I was gathering my courage.
*Thump thump.*
Instead of a light knock, there was urgent pounding on the door.
"My Lord, His Majesty's messenger has arrived."
---