This love is like a curse (29)
From that day on, Thalia began to desperately fight to break out of the shackles of her old habit - love. She had tried to cut out feelings for him from her heart before, but never before had she done it with such desperate determination.
She shoved the dress he had chosen for her into the farthest corner of the closet and put on the one that always made him frown. Then she began to regularly attend balls held in the Empress's palace.
Of course, her knight Longboat was also forced to follow her into this whirlpool of nightly entertainment.
For a man who was raised almost like a monk until the age of fourteen, everything that happened must have seemed disgusting. And Talia didn’t feel at ease. At balls filled with her mother's admirers, she was just a smaller copy of Seneviere.
The men, seeing the young body with the face of the empress, perceived Thalia as a funny toy. Some even openly showed interest. She was offended by the way she was treated - as a substitute mother - but she pretended to enjoy the attention.
She wanted to demonstrate this to Barkas.
“Look what you missed. I will become more beautiful than Ayla. A woman as beautiful as mother.”
She wanted to show him how many men desire her. And somewhere deep inside, perhaps, she hoped that he would stop her.
But Barkas, as always, silently carried out his duties. He didn't care whether she drank until she passed out, mixed with men, or flirted with those who were old enough to be her fathers. His indifference only added fuel to the flames of the destructive impulse that burned her from the inside.
He was by her side for seven whole years. Couldn't he have been at least a little worried about her? Try to hold on? This stupid thought was firmly stuck in her head. It seemed that if she completely destroyed herself, she would get rid of this stupid attachment.
With a feeling of doom, she began to hang out with unfamiliar men. She allowed them to touch her hands, her face, her hair, even when they strangely touched her neck or inhaled her scent.
She was irritated by the way they touched her as if she were a porcelain doll. But there was something pleasant in the rapturous glances, as if they were praying for something.
Sometimes it even seemed to her that she was a goddess. At such moments, the inability to get Barkas ceased to matter.
She clung to this feeling. If you continue to drown in these heady feelings, young, naive love will dry up and disappear.
She plunged deeper and deeper into vulgar and depraved games. She got used to ambiguous jokes, to light touches, to dangerous games on the edge.
Not much time had passed since the beginning of these troubled days when a nobleman from the south named Margus approached her.
At first she was not interested in him at all. Although every evening she went out into the hall and talked with different men, none of them lingered in her memory.
But gradually his name began to appear more and more often. He attracted her attention in a rather strange way.
He treated her like a niece or a capricious child. Sometimes he was even sincerely worried and gave advice. At first Thalia was irritated by this impudence, but soon she began to open up to him. Unlike others who tried to touch her at any opportunity, he always kept up appearances, remaining friendly.
But that was not all. He seemed only interested in making her laugh. Instead of jewelry or revealing outfits, he brought her toys and dolls, as if there was nothing wrong in his thoughts. Talia felt calm with him.
Perhaps this person recognized her as a child suffering from a lack of love. He found his way to her vulnerabilities too easily.
And it was he who destroyed the castle of trust she had built - in the evening, four days before her coming-of-age ceremony.
Late at night, while Longboat was away, Margus unexpectedly appeared at her palace. For a moment she was wary of his sudden visit, but his cheerful jokes quickly melted her suspicions.
- Look, your highness! I finally got the puzzle I was telling you about! - he exclaimed excitedly, holding out a huge box. “You have no idea how much effort I spent on this!” Even gifts for His Majesty did not require so much effort!
He turned up his nose proudly, but immediately scratched the back of his head, as if only now realizing how indecent he had come at such a late hour.
“Actually, I wanted to give it to you for your birthday... But tomorrow I urgently need to leave the capital, so I apologize for disturbing you.” Will you forgive my impudence?
He looked at her like he was a wet dog, and Talia shook her head and sighed.
- Well, nothing can be done. Come on in.
He smiled cheerfully and entered. This was the first time anyone other than knights and maids had crossed the threshold.
Suddenly she felt ashamed of the disorder in her chambers.
She led him through the dusty living room, which she never used, to the office on the second floor - the cleanest place other than her bedroom. They sat down at the chess table and began to put together the puzzle.
She was so immersed in the process that she didn’t even notice how his knees were on either side of her legs.
Talia was intently putting tiny pieces together to assemble the castle's pointed tower. The man leaned very close, helping her secure the thin columns. Soon the tower was finished, and Thalia smiled contentedly. But suddenly she realized how close he was, and her face distorted with awkwardness. He moved closer so tightly that his breath, smelling of wine, tickled her forehead.
She shifted uncomfortably, but knew that if she pulled away suddenly, the situation would become too tense.
Thalia carefully turned to the side, pretending to look for another part in the box he had brought. Then the man came up from behind and, as if about to hug her, extended his arms to either side of her waist and began to sort through the contents of the box.
“Here she is,” he muttered.
Thalia tensed. Muscular arms wrapped tightly around her waist. She felt hot, moist breath fanning her neck and she cowered in fear. Her heart began to beat wildly, filled with horror from the sudden, alien situation. But strangely, not a sound came out of her mouth.
He pressed even harder, pushing his hands deeper into the box. Thalia barely squeezed out the words:
- Oh... from... let go...
- One... one minute. You... give off such a sweet aroma.
He pressed his nose to her shoulder and took a deep breath.
All her nerves were strained to the limit. The skin was covered with cold sweat, and a chill ran down the spine.