This love is like a curse (25)
Gareth, who had been watching his half-sister's profile with suspicion, suddenly felt irritated by the meticulous attention with which he was watching her every move. He turned away sharply.
“Who cares what’s in her head?”
All the same, on the day he ascends the throne, this nonentity will disappear from the world once and for all.
All that was left was to be patient. He downed the cup of fortified wine in one gulp, as if trying to erase her very existence from his memory.
* * *
Thalia raised the goblet to her lips with ostentatious indifference, but noticed how treacherously her fingers trembled, and immediately put the vessel down. Trying to look natural, she hid her hands under the table and ran her tongue over her dry lips.
The place where Barkas touched her burned as if it had been burned. Even through his gloves, she felt the distinct relief of his knuckles - as clearly as if it was a touch on bare flesh.
She straightened her shoulders with effort and rubbed her sweaty palms on the hem of her dress. The damp cloth stuck to the skin.
A wave of frustration hit my chest. The dress she had put on to annoy Gareth was now choking her.
My bare shoulders and back tingled. Talia clenched her fists. She knew that he was not looking at her - and yet her nerves were strained to the limit.
She desperately wanted to turn around and check where his gaze was directed. But she could hardly resist. Years of pretending made it possible to maintain a mask of indifference, but the sweat appearing on the skin gave it away.
When the clinging dress began to feel like a sticky film, she pursed her lips.
“Damn, what a stupid choice that was...”
—You don’t like the food?
The voice came suddenly and Thalia flinched. The young monk opposite looked at her carefully.
“I think they called him the abbot,” she recalled and shrugged her shoulders with slight contempt.
“Compared to what is served in the palace, this is, of course, a pitiful semblance.”
The monk winced barely noticeably, and Thalia, wanting to make it clear to him to back off, abruptly turned away and grabbed the nearest piece of pie.
If she eats something, they won’t pester her. She put the dry piece into her mouth, chewing mechanically. It tasted like a rancid sponge.
She tried to drown out the nausea that had set in with a sip of wine - and then she noticed that several monks were furtively looking at her. Their eyes stuck to the skin, more disgusting than fatty foods.
She stood up sharply.
— Disappointing reception. Perhaps I'll go back to my chambers and rest.
Gareth shot her an irritated look. Another time she would have stayed late to annoy him, but now she felt physically ill - she was too nauseous.
Thalia quickly left the hall. The air, free of the smells of food, wine and wax, calmed my stomach a little.
Taking a deep breath, Thalia wiped her sweaty forehead and walked down the corridor.
The cold night air slid down my back. She wrapped her arms around her forearms, which were raised from the chill, and quickened her pace.
Sometimes she herself didn’t understand why all this was happening. Eternal play in front of the public, scandals, provocations. What's the point?
“The Crown Prince can’t stand your existence.” Sometimes I think he hates you even more than me.
Senevier's voice sounded in my head like a gentle whisper.
It was probably on the day of remembrance of the late Empress Bernadette.
Seeing Talia enter the hall with her mother, Gareth lost his mind. He rushed towards the little princess, squeezing his throat until the courtiers pulled him away. The stunned aristocrats tried to calm him down, but in vain - it took two guards to restrain the heir to the throne.
Freed from his death grip, Thalia crawled to her mother and curled up at her feet. Senevier hugged her, as if protecting her. For a moment she felt so calm that she wanted to cry. But, looking up, she noticed on her face... pleasure.
From then on, Talia began teasing Gareth at every opportunity.
Her reputation was completely ruined, but it didn't matter. After all, the prince’s reputation also suffered. Which means mom was happy.
An empty laugh suddenly escaped from my chest. Even now, when everything had gone so far, she still clung to the hope of earning a bit of her love.
“Even if I trampled the crown prince’s honor into the mud, it would not make Senevier love me.”
Her mother didn't love anyone. Not the Emperor, not even the Astros she adored.
For her, everything was just a tool and a means. It was probably because Talia understood this too well that she continued to do such stupid things. If she doesn’t prove her worth, she will become a complete nobody for Senevier...
- Your Highness.
The voice made her flinch.
The girl turned around - a black figure was clearly visible in the darkness of the corridor. Recognizing her as a monk, who did not take his eyes off her at the reception, she felt her whole body tense.
"Did he follow me?"
She looked around quickly. There was not a soul in the long corridor leading to the garden. The thought that he had been following her all this time while she wandered into a secluded place made her skin crawl.
- What do you need?
Thalia put an icy arrogance into her voice, trying not to betray her fear. Fortunately, her bravado seemed to have worked - the monk noticeably hesitated. She shot him a withering glare, hoping he would turn around and run away.
— I asked what you need.
“Er... about what you said...” he hesitated.
Thalia frowned.
- What did I say?
“That is... at the reception...” the monk fidgeted, his freckled face flushed red. The gaze slid downwards, lingering obscenely.
Thalia strained her legs to keep from backing away. Show weakness and he will immediately become more aggressive. Raising her chin with an arrogant look, the girl said in an icy tone:
- I don't understand what you're talking about. If you have no business, I'm leaving.
“You... you said that you want to live up to the expectations of His Highness... the c-crown prince...” the monk blurted it out in one breath.
Thalia, who had already turned towards the garden, stopped abruptly and looked at him again.
Did he really take her taunt seriously - the same one thrown out of spite to Gareth, who forbade her to “flirt with monks”?
A chill ran down my back, as if it had been doused with ice water.