This love is like a curse (13)
“Why don’t you come over and talk?”
The ladies-in-waiting were annoyed that she was only watching from afar, and encouraged her. They all seemed eager to see Longboat up close. Among them were those whose views expressed not just admiration, but something more - real thirst.
Ayla pretended not to notice their impudent hints. She could afford it because she knew: Barkas would never turn his gaze to another woman.
“Although, however, he never gave me a passionate look either...”
A bitter smile crossed her lips.
Longboat was devoid of such feelings from the very beginning.
He came to the palace as a child, where fanatical priests professing severe dogmatism [1] raised him as a faithful servant of the empire. This upbringing, bordering on brainwashing, had left him almost completely devoid of emotion.
The mother, having learned what cruel methods the son of Duke Siekana was going through, did everything to protect him. But it was already too late - the young boy had lost not only the ability to experience joy, anger, sadness and pleasure, but even basic human desires.
Ayla remembered their first meeting - and her face darkened.
How much fear this boy with his eyes, empty, like the shed shell of an insect, caused her then.
He looked like a wax doll, frozen in silence. You could hardly hear more than two words from him during the day. Without a direct order he did not eat or sleep. Such complete suppression of desires led to the fact that he seemed to completely cease to feel hunger and fatigue.
Compared to that time, the current Longboat seemed almost human.
“Maybe it will get even better with time...”
She looked hopefully at her fiancé. How many times did Ayla tell herself that she wouldn’t expect too much, but every time she saw him, she felt her heart beating wildly.
A beautiful boy who so devotedly protected their poor mother... And now - the most perfect man in the entire Roem Empire. How can you not want him?
The girl knew how many women he had broken the hearts of, but she believed that her position was much more advantageous. Even though this marriage was concluded for the sake of a political union, she will become his wife - and one day give birth to an heir. This means that there will be years ahead to warm his frozen heart with patience and tenderness.
With these thoughts, Ayla cautiously approached him.
The longboat, standing with its back to the light, turned, catching her steps.
And at that same moment a chill ran down her spine. His face, as if mocking her dreams, was cold and impassive.
The man stared at her blankly, and then turned away and said in a flat, emotionless voice:
- What's the matter?
Ayla forced herself to smile, pacifying the surging emotions:
“I went out to find out how the preparations for the trip were going.”
“Almost finished,” he answered indifferently, running his hand along the horse’s strong neck. “I’m afraid the preparations took longer than expected.” Summer is in full swing, the path will not be easy.
“There was no other way out.” It was all because of Gareth's stubbornness that the plan had to be changed.
Ayla looked cautiously at her groom, unable to raise her eyes from shame for her younger brother. Not only did he jump into their trip without asking, but he also acted as if he was going to transport the entire crown prince's palace with him: dozens of servants, a jester for entertainment, a personal chef and even a tailor - he insisted that they all accompany him.
Longboat accepted all these vagaries with amazing patience. Never raised his voice. Ayla couldn't help but admire his self-control.
She lowered her eyes with a guilty expression:
“I'm just sorry he caused you trouble.”
“Your Highness, you have nothing to apologize for.” “It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway,” he answered calmly, handing the reins to the groom. - Pretty decent compared to what I expected. For a man who is forced to let go of his only sister, this is a rather mild reaction.
Ayla became gloomy. His words reminded her of the anxiety she had tried so hard to suppress. She looked up at the dazzling white walls of the palace and clenched the hem of her dress in her fist.
The very thought that she would have to leave her brother alone in this palace, full of difficult memories, caused her almost physical pain.
And most importantly, that demoness lived here, eager to take his place. Will her hot-tempered brother be able to stand up to this predator alone?
- If it doesn’t bother you... after the wedding, I would like to visit the palace from time to time. Is this possible?
When Longboat, who had been examining another horse, turned to her, Ayla noticed how a barely noticeable wrinkle appeared on his flawless forehead. At that moment she realized that she had made too frivolous a request and blushed deeply.
Ruling the vast eastern lands and commanding hundreds of vassals as Grand Duchess is no easy task. After the wedding, she had to put the affairs of the Siekang house above all else.
However, Barkas, looking at her with a thoughtful expression on his face, nodded as if there was nothing special in her words.
“If the long journey does not tire you, you can visit the palace whenever you wish.” After all, this marriage was made to support His Highness the Crown Prince.
Ayla became gloomy. For him, of course, it was only a political alliance, but for her it was not. For a second she felt offended, but she tried to smile as if everything was fine.
- Thanks for understanding.
The longboat only nodded briefly and again began to examine the horse’s teeth.
Ayla sighed restrainedly and, placing her hand on his forearm, forced him to pay attention to her.
“I know you’re busy, but could you spare some time for me?” Before we set off, I want to give you something.
The man looked at her in surprise, then turned around and ordered the grooms to drive the horses into the stalls. After which he took her to a more secluded place.
Thanks to the fact that the ladies-in-waiting had retreated to a respectful distance, Ayla was able to walk with him alone.
She, placing her hand on his strong forearm, walked along the neatly paved path. As they entered the garden, a soft breeze gently touched their faces.
The garden was in full bloom. Bright summer buds were opening in well-tended flower beds, and the emerald foliage of perfectly trimmed bushes was lushly green.
Ayla looked around sadly. These landscapes left a wound in her heart every time. But the years passed, and the palace, filled with traces of Senevier, became part of everyday life, and the mother’s garden was gradually erased from memory. This was the most painful thing.
-What did you want to tell me?
Ayla, immersed in memories, turned around and looked at Longboat.
As a child, he often spent time in the garden that Bernadette created. The girl knew that it was there that he healed his tormented soul at least a little.
Suddenly she became curious - did this man miss her mother's garden?
Staring at his impassive face, in which there was not a shadow of emotion, she sighed heavily and took out a handkerchief from under her cape.
— I embroidered the coat of arms of the house of Siekan.
The man's gaze dropped to the neatly folded fabric. The girl suddenly felt her mouth dry.
Ayla, trying to overcome her excitement, spoke in a feignedly cheerful tone:
— According to tradition, before the wedding, the bride gives the groom a hand-embroidered scarf. Of course, we are going together, but still...
“What a precious gift,” he interrupted her muttering, accepting the handkerchief.
A barely noticeable smile flashed across his dry lips.
Ayla felt her chest tighten. How humiliating to be so in awe of his every gesture. But the joy that Barkas, stingy with emotions, smiled outweighed his wounded pride.
“I will keep it as something valuable.”
With these words, he tied the scarf around the hilt of the sword. Ayla smiled shyly.
And at that moment, hurried steps were heard nearby.
Note:
1. Dogmatism is a way of thinking based on blind faith in dogmas (unshakable statements considered absolute truth without evidence).