Chapter 83
"Count, can you tell me what happened?"
Idil asked in a serious voice, as if she were thinking deeply about something.
If things were as they were in the past, he would still have remained silent in front of Idil. But now, for some reason, he felt the urge to speak out.
Perhaps he wanted to test Idel.
'If she seems not to understand, I will pretend that it was not important.'
Laszlo hesitated, then began to tell the story slowly, part by part.
He spoke about how he highlighted his military achievements, which angered others, and how he was compared to other cavalry commanders in a way that elevated his status.
And how this was used to provoke the anger of the private guards and make them feel insulted, and how Edmund highlighted what Laszlo had obtained in a way that appeared unfair.
“That man is the one who allowed those foolish knights who harassed you into this palace, and he is the same one who insisted that I hold the party. Do you think this is just paranoid delusion?”
To be honest, he was worried. He knew that Edel would of course say “no,” but Laszlo himself knew that he might come across as someone consumed by delusions of persecution.
But Edel shook her head and said seriously:
“This is a classic social attack, and very skillfully done too. He improves his image while putting you in a difficult position, leaving himself a clear escape route.”
“…Are you saying that honestly?”
“Of course, I have been subjected to such attacks dozens, even hundreds of times in my life. I cannot be unaware of them.”
Laszlo felt momentarily embarrassed at having revealed all those details he had kept to himself. But he was relieved when he found that Edel understood his feelings, which made all his pent-up anger melt away at once.
He couldn't do anything for a moment. Even listening to Idyll's words was difficult.
"Just a moment... don't say anything."
Laszlo took several deep breaths, while standing in front of the frozen Edel.
He hadn't realized it before, but he felt deeply wronged. So much so that his emotions were about to explode.
"My dear Count... are you alright?"
“Ha… Now I’m fine. Sorry, I showed you weakness.”
"Weakness? I don't think so."
Edel smiled faintly. That look of understanding was a great comfort to Laszlo.
"Have you experienced things like this... often?"
“It happened like eating. And from almost everyone, from everyone who sees me as a competitor.”
"And how did you manage to overcome that?"
Edel paused for a moment when Laszlo asked her a question. She vividly recalled the difficult days she had gone through, as if they had happened yesterday.
Those were such painful days that you can't believe how you managed to endure them.
“I had to become… more perfect. To the point where anyone who tried to insult me would look like a fool.”
"And did the attacks against you stop after that?"
“No. Humans hold grudges even against a ruler, so how could they not be jealous of another human being if he seems better than them?”
Idil lowered her gaze and smiled bitterly.
“Moreover, the things I was striving to achieve were merely appearances. With every attempt to improve myself, I became more and more aware that I was not the perfect person that others thought I was.”
That was really painful.
There were days when anger and injustice filled her heart as if it would burst, but she couldn't face it. All she did was blame herself even more.
The days when he found no solace, but heard blame instead.
“And in the end, I became nothing but an empty shell. I had no thoughts or feelings, just an empty house built with the rules and appearances set by others…”
At this point, Edel realized that she had spoken too much, so she stopped immediately.
“Anyway, after hearing what you have said, I think Sir Milton is a more dangerous person than I imagined. Of course, I am confident that you will deal with him well, but you must be careful because he may try to get close to the other servants.”
But Laszlo wasn't interested in talking about anything else.
Idell's words about her becoming just an "empty shell" strangely hurt him.
'That's why, even when I reached the status of war booty, I remained this proud and never broke.'
That's why she never hesitated when she tried to end her life.
That's why, when I suddenly became a laundry maid, I acted as if nothing had happened.
Therefore, no matter how much she was insulted, she never wavered, and was even able to express her gratitude to someone like me who deserves to be considered an enemy.
All of this was because she saw herself as nothing more than an empty shell…
Where feelings of anger towards Edmund had melted away, feelings of regret towards Edel had crept in.
"You're undervaluing yourself. Too much."
Edel didn't answer at all. But from her embarrassed smile, it was clear that she didn't agree with Laszlo's words.
“An empty shell… If an empty shell is so perfect that no one can imitate it, then it is not just a shell. All that painful effort, suffering, hesitation, and endless persistence… those things already fill you from within.”
The smile disappeared from Idil's lips completely from that moment on.
“I appreciate all the efforts you made to protect yourself. Because of those efforts, you gave me, Lenia, and everyone in this house hope.”
"Me? What did I do...?"
“Oh, come on. I was just a back alley bully, with messy hair, and a peanut eater. You think it was easy to civilize someone like me?”
Idil's lips, which had been laughing lightly, began to tremble gently, before her large, jewel-like tears overflowed onto her cheeks.
She tried to bite her lips to hold on, but it was as if the dam had broken, and the tears began to flow uncontrollably.
She did not expect that Laszlo Crises, this man, would acknowledge the efforts that her own family had ignored.
She had no idea that someone's awareness of her suffering and efforts could stir up so many intense emotions within her.
“Oh… haha… haa…”
She lowered her head, making sounds as if she was trying to suppress her crying, which made her look as if she needed a hug.
But Laszlo did not.
Because he knew that treating her as a weak person just because she was crying would be an insult to her strength.
He waited silently until Idil regained control of her emotions. Then he quietly offered her a handkerchief.
“Thank you. I am the one who showed weakness before you, my lord Count.”
“If this is your weakness, then it’s okay to show it again and again. At least in front of me.”
"What?…"
“Ah, I mean, I didn’t mean that you should only cry in front of me, I meant that you shouldn’t cry alone.”
Idell smiled again. She felt the kindness that seeped through his voice and his affected manner of feigning sternness.
Amid the awkward atmosphere filled with warm feelings, the two of them did nothing but clear their throats and regulate their breathing.
After a long time, Laszlo remembered why he had come here.
“So, well… ahem. Anyway, we must be more careful with regard to Edmund Milton.”
“Yes, I think so too. I heard that his recent promotion to deputy commander of the Guards Division was a bit of a surprise, wasn’t it?”
“That’s right. There’s definitely someone supporting him from behind. It seems His Majesty the Emperor wants to keep him close to keep an eye on him.”
“Perhaps his suggestion to hold the party was an attempt to tarnish your reputation. He had no idea that the palace had changed so much, and if the party had been held in the old palace, things would certainly have gone wrong…”
"Ah, now I understand!"
Finally, Laszlo realized that Edmund had not known about the changes that had taken place at Cressis Palace.
“I just thought he was waiting for me to stumble in front of others.”
Laszlo shook his head in negation. And with that, he ended his discussion of Edmund.
“Anyway, don’t worry about him. Forget about him completely, and wash away any trace his dirty hands left on your shoulder.”
Idel thought that Laszlo sounded like a jealous man when he added that strange piece of advice, so she laughed lightly.
But when Laszlo's hand pointed sternly at her shoulder, she realized his seriousness and nodded belatedly.
***
After the party ended, Linnea became bored with everything.
The invitations that poured in afterward, to buy beautiful clothes or jewelry, and even to learn etiquette and dance from Idell, no longer interested her.
"Miss...?"
"What? Oh, yes?"
"It seems you haven't been able to concentrate lately."
“Ah… I’m sorry! Where did we get to?”
Linnea, who had been lost in her thoughts, became flustered and began flipping through the pages of the book quickly.
She knew that dedicating three times a week to teaching Edel, for two hours each time, history, culture, the art of dialogue, and etiquette, was not an easy task at all.
But instead of getting angry, Idell suddenly closed the book.
“When your mind is clouded, it’s best to take a break. How about we have some tea and a chat today?”
Linnea, who had become tense thinking that Idell was angry, lowered her shoulders and expressed her regret.