Damian Stearns stood in front of his superior officer, Major Paul Jeska, their eyes locked.
Paul's temples twitched as he looked into Damian's light blue eyes, feigning ignorance.
Then he sighed deeply and spoke.
"Second Lieutenant Damian Stearns."
"Yes sir."
“You know that this battle was decisive...
I told you so myself.
You thought so too, didn't you?”
"Yes sir."
“And you knew this was a dangerous operation.”
"Yes sir."
“Even doing your job could get you killed.”
"Yes sir."
“So following orders from above was even more important.”
"Yes sir."
"True...true?"
Damian replied in the same monotone.
"Yes sir."
This answer shattered Paul's already fragile composure.
"You know that, but!"
He pointed at Damian.
“A second lieutenant like you, recklessly attacking alone and causing chaos!”
Damian was unaffected by Paul's outburst, but responded calmly.
"I considered it more efficient.
Disabling the enemy from within creates an opportunity for us to attack.
Doing it alone makes me less visible, and there is no need to sacrifice others.
I am the most skilled."
“If your head is blown off, who will the faction listen to?!”
"Someone else can take over as platoon leader.
I was promoted to second lieutenant and platoon leader because all my superiors died.
It's the same.
If I die, someone else will take the place."
“This is not what is meant!”
"It's the same thing.
It's wartime, and all lives are equal in the face of death."
Paul wanted to sew up Damien's mouth.
His blood pressure rose and his head began to throb.
Even he, who had remained calm despite the bombs exploding nearby, was losing his calm in front of Damian.
Paul rubbed his face, calmed himself, and looked at Damian.
'Damien'.
'Yes sir'.
“If you continue like this, I won’t be able to face your uncle.”
Damian shuddered slightly and lowered his eyes, a dark shadow falling on his light blue irises.
He felt sorry for Paul, who treated him like a cousin, but such words did not shake his heart.
"It's none of his business.
He'll be very happy when he hears about my death."
“Huh…”
Paul couldn't help but sigh deeply.
Damian had been like this since he joined the war.
Brave at best, reckless at worst.
But this was not real courage.
Damien was just engaging in self-destructive behavior, denying everything that made him who he was.
There was no reason for someone who was not a professional soldier to volunteer for a foreign war.
Damian had no reason to get involved in this war, so he could do his part.
His current devotion was excessive.
To understand why, we have to go back to his childhood.
***
Damian Stearns grew up in an orphanage.
He heard that his mother abandoned him before he could walk properly, leaving him nothing but his name.
Damian didn't know his mother's real name, but he didn't think her surname was Stearns.
The name Stearns was the name of a knight from an ancient fairy tale, a knight who embarked on an adventure to search for the princess who had once disappeared.
It was an old, extinct family name, and is no longer used today.
Upon learning this, Damian felt empty.
He realized that his mother created him at random.
Then, at about the age of five, he was incredibly lucky to find a kind sponsor.
Marquis Jesca chose Damien from among the many children in the orphanage to care for him.
Although the noble titles became meaningless when the Kingdom of Starica was transformed into a republic, Jesca still belonged to a family that once ruled this country.
This must have seemed impressive to young Damian.
Damian felt special, carrying the nickname his mother had given him so carelessly.
If he had worked hard to please the Marquis, he would have been happier.
He wanted to be someone who meant something to someone, not an orphan abandoned by a mother who didn't need a child.
So Damien tried his best to meet the Marquis's expectations.
But Damien did not want to acknowledge him as his biological father.
Marquis Jesca was not only a kind and benevolent shepherd, but he sought out Damien's care because he was embarrassed to be left uncared for after hearing that his mother had abandoned him at the orphanage.
To avoid tarnishing the "empty noble name" and to prevent Damien from causing trouble that would tarnish the family's reputation, he kept Damien under his watch, suspicious of a child born out of wedlock.
In fact, he wanted to give it up more than anyone else.
Damian thought he was becoming useful, but he was useless again.
This idea was firmly established in his mind when he entered boarding school at the age of fifteen.
The other students had dreams, but Damien could not imagine his future.
He became an outcast, moved around the school and lost all motivation.
After completing the regular boarding school curriculum at the age of nineteen, Damian had nowhere to go.
He had to leave the orphanage when he became an adult.
He could have lived a humble life with the support of Marquis Jessica, but he didn't want to.
He wanted to escape from the Marquis.
Then he noticed an advertisement for recruitment for war.
The neighboring Kingdom of Lippi was at war with the Soviles Empire.
The Kingdom of Libya requested help from neighboring countries.
The Republic of Istaria, once a colony of the Sovels Empire, decided to send troops to the front lines as a gesture of gratitude for Libya's support during its independence.
Damien believed that the Marquis's influence would not extend to a foreign war.
So, because he had nothing to do, he joined the war.
Yes, Damian didn't join this war for a greater cause.
People would laugh at him at first, then call him crazy when they realized he was serious, but Damian really joined in because he had nothing else to do.
On the train to Libby, Damian thought things were going smoothly.
Until one day he received a sudden transfer order, and the commander of his new unit introduced himself:
"Hello, you must be Damian.
I'm Paul Jesca.
Marquis Jesca's younger brother is my father, so I'm your cousin.
I heard about you from my uncle.
I will help you in many ways, so let's do our best."
***
Knowing all this, Paul got a headache every time Damian caused trouble.
Marquis Jesca would not have shown any discomfort even if something happened to Damian.
But problems beyond his sight were troublesome to him, so he entrusted Damien's command to Paul, who was a professional soldier bound for Libby.
And so Paul begins to care for Damien - at first reluctantly, but now becoming disturbed by his death-seeking behaviour.
Although the war was unexpected, Damien acted as if there was no tomorrow.
It was a miracle that he was still alive, as it had been a year and a half in this deteriorating condition.
That was enough time for Damian, who joined the army before abandoning his childhood, to grow into a wonderful young man.
Paul ran a hand through his hair and waved it dismissively.
"Anyway, next time you're up to something, can you at least tell me?
You're going to give me a heart attack."
"I will keep that in mind"
“You can't respond with 'I'll keep that in mind' when carrying out an order from your superior.
This is military action, where you have to follow orders.
The only acceptable answer is 'Yes, sir.'”
"Oh, was that just a statement made by you as a boss, and not as my brother?
Then, yes, sir."
“I really want to slap him...”
Paul buried his face in his hands, Damian carefully monitored his mood and then spoke.
“Is there anything else you would like to say?”
"No, no.
That's it.
You can go now."
Just as Damian was about to greet, Paul spoke again.
"Oh, right.
Second Lieutenant."
With a cheerful smile, Paul handed out five or six card-like envelopes and held them out to Damian.
"Choose one."
Damian looked at Paul, puzzled, and shrugged.
“The higher-ups have come up with an interesting idea.
They want to create pen pals for soldiers.”
“Pen pals...are you talking about the pen pals I know?”
For Damien, pen pals were nothing more than a hobby, exchanging letters with an unknown person.
“Senior commanders believed that emotional connections would improve soldiers' morale and raise their morale.
So they enlisted civilians to exchange letters, and now that some letters have reached the base...”
Damian's facial expression became more puzzled.
He thought he had no time to exchange comforting messages amid the constant danger and workload.
"You're lucky, you know.
You met me while there were letters left.
Some people want to do this but can't."
Damian inwardly scoffed at Paul's words.
“What a stupid idea.
Could this help morale?
They should focus on improving supplies instead.
How long can we go on living on hard bread and biscuits?”
“So, won’t you pick one?”
At Paul's urging, Damien reluctantly selected a random envelope.
Paul smiled, collected the remaining envelopes, and put them in his pocket.
"Make sure you reply.
If there's no reply, they'll think you died before you could write, so don't let anyone down."
Damian sighed quietly.
“I don't have time for this...”